i wish i had another life

because in this one
i cannot be with you

i wish i had another life
to give you

i wish i had one more chance
to make you happy

warm feelings

someone messages me
when I am pretending to be offline

force of habit

remember the idyllic day
of last summer
that we picked berries
right off the trees
and shared the warm, colorful
squishy bursts
by the lake

why am i asking you to remember
when the last time you answered me
was six months ago

silence

do I even have the right to anger
when we have been parted for ages

 
who does it matter
what i feel about you
when you are silent

intolerable

some of these days
i just seem to bear so that
at 430 i can go home and bawl
instead of wiping silent tears
in the cubicle

outdated medicines

once upon a time
i drank coffee
to stay up all night

now i just think about you

hello?

i thought you said
we would remain friends?

पश्चाताप

when he shattered
his jar of memories
of us together

i picked up the pieces
and made a wall hanging
for the living room

i did it again 
with a smile
and again
for anyone who left

i guarded them zealously
and displayed them proudly
"look i made a thing of beauty 
out of tragedy"

but when you gently
slid your jars
my way
and got up to leave
i realized
that i didn't care about the jar 
any more

it was you who made me feel
that the jar,
after all,
is only a lowly substitute
for the one who leaves

this time i am afraid of losing 
you
not the jar

break up anxiety

every time i say good bye
I make haste to pick
my memories
of you
with you
the part of me
that was yours

and store them
in a cupboard
like colorful, inviting jars 
of pickled peaches 
grapes and strawberries 
mangoes and olives and chilies

its almost as if 
the pretty jars of me
are all that i am worried about
making memories and keeping them 
is all i care about

as long as I have them safe

labeled and in a row
i will have the strength
to not care 
how 
one by one
you let your jars

f
a
l
l

t o t h e f l o o r 

  d d
  a e o e r s
  n r m l v r h s a
a d t p e t h

How was your day?

I spent the day
trying to run away
from the dream
that I am afraid
will come true

I spent the day
trying to run away
from the dream
that told me
exactly what I wanted to  pinpoint
about my feelings for you

I spent the day
trying to pretend
that the dream
didn't point
to your feelings for me
that I wanted to run away from

virtual relationship

it is so easy
to protect you from my wrath

when you are far away
i have so  many excuses to make
when you do not
reply to the message
maybe you didn't get it
maybe you were sleeping
maybe you were busy
in an office meeting
 

who am I kidding
by trying to deny
that if you were in front of me
I would know
 
you just didn’t bother

who am I kidding?
it is me I am protecting
from my disappointment
not u

the longest day isnt june 22

no day can be longer
than the one you spend
trying to deny the truth
of what the night whispered to you
in a dream

worst nightmare

fire?

monsters?
thorns? claws?
fangs and jaws?

dungeons? 

tunnels? 

ropes and nails?
no, the worst dream was when
i dreamt
that you hurt me
with just your words

PMS

Every month I question yourself

Is it time for a haircut?
My hair is ugly and limp
Is my teenage acne coming back?
This is the second pimple 
I've popped this week 
 Am I turning into an unsocial bitch?
This is the third time
That I yelled at someone today
 Am I bottling up my feelings
And turning into a cry baby?
This is the fourth night in a row
that I cried into my pillow
I polished off five doughnuts today
Have I lost all control over my hunger?

 Am I wasting away into laziness
I slept twelve hours straight
Is my life utterly meaningless?
Everything seems
such a big waste

And then suddenly comes the blood
whooosh

And I recognize myself in the mirror again