in denial

trying to fill the void
of what left
and trying to convince yourself
that you are happy

"one love" - my mermaid

She

is smart and vivacious

funny and loving,

When I see her,

a happy feeling spreads from my eyes

to my mouth, making me smile

to the bottom of my stomach,

making me feel warm

my mermaid she is

the woman i will never have

for she feels not even a drop

of what i feel

If she had been a man

I would have been so confused

Is he the one?

Is he the love of my life?

Should I put all my eggs in this basket?

If I do and he breaks them, will I ever recover?

What kind of father will he be?

Do I really want children that look and talk like him?

Does he do the dishes at home?

Will he if I ask him to?

Will he ask me to make tea when his friends come visiting?

Because she isn't a man,
I don't have to worry about
if she is "the one"
I don't have to look for everything
in the same person

I can see my feelings for her
as exactly what it is
a bundle of affection
with no strings attached

No one is perfect
And I don't have to reject her
Or forget her
because she doesn't meet my ideals
And isn't "the one"

I can simply
Enjoy her company
Be happy for her smiles
And continue to wish her well
From wherever I am

Instead of bogging us down with
questions
expectations
disappointments

And that is the way it should be!

good girl

I am what you would call
a good girl
most of the times

but that does not mean that
I cannot be angry
Or selfish
Or plain mean

And when you try to justify
Even my badness
As reasonable

It is not
reassurring

It is suffocating

uninterrupted conversations

Iin the internet age
conversations from days before
go on
like they were never interrupted
starting
at the exact point where they eft off
as if uneventful days
had never passed between them

leaving you yearning
for that one person
who keeps track of
multiple threads of conversations
from years ago
and pops them up
with least notice

threads that
you never knew existed
before he brought them up
threads you thought
no one  else apart form you
knew to exist
threads you thought
had been with you
from before you were born

making you feel that
this person, and only this,.
is your soulmate

the internet gives many soulmates,
it seems

Open minds

I who aspire to read minds

Turn away

From the minds

That come to me

Beseeching to be read

Because i would not

Want the responsibility of
Loving them

Did you sleep well,

After bringing me to tears ?

(I want the last word)

I am not in the mood to argue

I am not in the mood to fight

And most importantly

I am not in the mood to lose

Do tears come from inside as well?

When I cryI don't just shed tears

Even the gulp of thin air I take
is salty

I seem to be swallowing tears

Time to part ways

When an attempt at conversation

Become a careful exercise of

Walking on eggshells

For both of us

What is he?

Is a maverick
Who got nowhere
Still a maverick?

Or is it just a mad man?

Made in heaven

I  am the kind of person

Who falls in love

You are the kind of person

Who gets fallen in love with

What would you do without me?

You win, you lose

Ok,

You win the argument

That doesn't mean

You convince me

Trying to work it out

You only struggle

When there is still hope

When you kno

The struggles

Will not lead anywhere

It's one big sigh

Of relief

where is the middle ground?

How do you suddenly go
From being not good enough
To being too fantastic
Without traversing
The middle ground
Of plain old "good"

A (wo)man to be with

Almost any woman will do

As long as she is

Nice, intelligent

And reasonably attractive

And that makes me wonder

Why my criteria for women

Is so much wider

Than for a man

I only look for everything in a man

Becuse i expect the man to be permanent

To take care of duties

To be the ideal husband

Marriage is a construct

But attraction isn't

If i did not have to think of

'The man i will marry'

I think i could be intimate with

Almost any man

Finding a woman

It's so much harder

To find a woman to be with

Than a man

Even with my

Improved social skills

Now i know

Why men are so intimidated

Life goes on

I thought this was the one thing

I would not survive

But i did

And not only that

It gave me the culmination of

My lifetime's wisdom

I can survive anything

As long as i keep my

Expectations realistic

The one thing i 

(I thought)

I would not survive

Told me

That life goes on

False spring

You wonder why
You suddenly feel
More cheerful
Than you should

Then you find
That the temperature is
10 degrees higher
Than it was yesterday

Piss off, SAD !!!!!!!

(False spring it is,
but still...)

inertia

the days when you don't mind
going to sleep directly after work
and morning you don't mind
if they passed you by

scorpios

tend to overpower
the people around them
just by existing, re

i wonder how all these theories
written for real life
fare in the internet

Free to love

After a series of wrong choices

I have abandoned 

The whole idea

Of a long lasting love

But its nothing to deplore

On the contrary, it has set me free

To explore all kinds of

Short lasting affections

Free love

When someone give you love

Freely of their own accord

Every little thing is a bonus

And when you bind the same love

With a commitment

What they give you 

Is not enough

trying to move on

you think you have made it
past the transition point
when one glimpse of the past is enough
to tell you
your soul is still divided