Afraid of art

Being scared of
The most beloved works of art
Scared that re reading
Or re watching
Will rob it of its intensity
When tbe goosebumps go away
And the tears don't come
The second time around

Scared that
Constant repetition
Will rob it of meaning altogether

And yet
Unable to avoid its magnetic pull
Holding your breath
Feeling heart bounding
Until the song ends
In a blur

#सम्बन्ध हाम्रो धमिलो हुँदैछ
#परिभाषा तर त्यही हो भन न

Eczema

I wish my tears were content
To flow out through my words
Instead of pushing through my skin

Pursuing "something higher"

Working hard all your life
Waking up one fine day
To realize your life is almost over
And you don't know anymore
what you were chasing
in the first place

Or
Misplacing your energies
And giving up the fight
Forever believing
you missed out on your dream

Or
Achieving all you wanted
Believing that to be the
normal trajectory
And judging everyone who
Doesn't achieve the same

Admitting your mistake

Putting yourself on
Lower moral ground
For evermore

Giving the other person
The upper hand
Being obliged to accept
All their judgements
For evermore

Because you only lose credibility
Once

From then you have nothing
Left to lose

Crossroads

I am here at this crossroads
Empty and yet
Fuller than ever before

I have lost everything
And among them are 
The skeletons in my closet

And I stand at this crossroads,
Free,
With no luggage to take with me

Thank you for laying my ghosts

Personal is universal

I was going to be a great poet
Who would never write about
Petty, trivial, personal topics
 

Unlike all those famous poets
Inspired by eyes and lips
And hair and breasts

I was going to be a thinker
 

Who wrote about the world
Made grave and profound
Intellectual pronouncements

Until reality caught up on me
And all that poured out of my pen
Was the stuff of my heart
And all that moves me to write
Is your tender, tenderness

Marina Bychkova

admiring the deconstruction
of old stories
intrigued by the new light
in which you show women
show how their lives
were not the fairy tales
they were projected to be
and that if you dig under the surface
you will find much sorrow 
behind the smiling facade
imposed by patriarchal storytelling

appalled by how
you cast them in the same
frame of beauty
as did the men
slim, (mostly) fair,
big eyes, pouty lips
perfectly rounded breasts
plenty of beautiful but
heavy, restricting jewellery

can we not see
the beauty of these women
in other frames?

#feminism is all about choice,
i suppose

i love you nonetheless, marina,
for the astounding beauty
and the fresh perspectives
of your work

The self deluding need

To simulate love
When you want love
But dont know what it is

The going out of your way
To prove your feelings
To profess you care

The needless crying
The confusion
When you realize
That is not what you feel
But only what you are
Supposed to feel

(Reading milan kundera)

Choose

Flawless is not perfect
And
Perfect is not flawless

Only love counts

Not the things you buy for them
Or the time you spend with them
Or the kindness and consideration

But the wellspring of emotion
That will not be faked

Only that binds, nothing else counts

बाढी

दिनभरी बाँधेर राखेको
भावनाको भारले
राती त बाँध फुट्नु नै थियो

Tragicomedy

Don't know whether it's
sad or funny or annoying

When an extremely bigoted person
Tries to pass himself off
As a cool young dude

40 acting 14
simply makes me sorry,
I suppose,
That he doesn't realize
How silly he looks

Peeling off the layers

Peeling away the layers
Of my identity
Trying to reach the
"Real me"
And finding that
You have changed
The real me
And that i do not know
What i used to be

Forever nervous

Fidgety jittery
Flighty overreacty
Startly jumpy

Burning up
Bodily energy
Waiting for
Thunder to strike

And being burnt out
When it actually does

What are they afraid of?
What are they hiding?

Tell-tale

The slouch on the chair
The drooping eyelids
May give the impression
Of ennui

But look at the fingers
Constantly drumming
On the nearest surface
The toes scrunched up
The "droopy" eyelids
Blinking too fast

And you see
The nervous people
Who never rest

People with a core of
Air and fire
Wings and wind

Solace

When only a man
with tbe weight of the world upon him
Gives solace

easy to be amicable

during the fertile period
the love flows

wait until you see me
in my PMS

Useless

Connoisseurs of art

Fucking useless

Why i didn't know

What i should have known

That turning down of intensity
I figured (subconsciously )
Was a normalizing

Since i wasn't used to
So much intimacy
Anyway

I figured
This is how it was
Supposed to be anyway

And that is sad
On so many differnt levels

Did my subconscious

Always know everything?

Or am I really that foolish?

That spell some people cast

Where you don't need any company

Face of my happiness

I forgot
What happiness used to look like
Before you came along

Strange to think that

I traverse so many
alternate universes
But always wake up
Back in the same one

Warmth

Sleeping well
In the warmth of
human proximity

Makes me realize what i
Take for granted

And how much it means
As opposed to loneliness

Dealing with grief (or trying to)

You think ahead
Realize exactly how
The stages are going to go
Fortify yourself
And skip the four steps
Going directly to acceptance

Tell yourself there is no use raging
No use complaining and boring people
No use drowning yourself in tears
Coz in the end you have to accept it
There is no way around it

So why don't you do it right away
Bottle the four steps
Sweep them under the carpet
And get on with your life

Act nonchalant
Impress with your maturity
Tell yourself it is
The sensible thing to do

Then act surprised when
They pop up in your dreams

I used to

Go to sleep with a smile

husk

I gave you
My heart and soul
And now I have nothing
Left for myself

Let alone
Any chances for you

I should have known

it used to be that
I did not feel lonely
even when we were
seven seas apart
because I felt
your presence
with me

and when I started
feeling lonely
with you

I should have known

तिमी बिनाको

जिन्दगानी त
कसरी नै पो काटुँ है

- बिपुल छेत्री

Clean conscience, they said

You will sleep well,
They said.
If you have done no wrong,
They said.

How wrong they were.

The ability to be vulnerable, you said

It is your strength, you said

Maybe it is, and maybe it is not

When that's what causes

People to know, understand, 

And realize they can manipulate you

Again and again

It certainly doesn't seem like strength

All i know is that

The next time too

This is how i will be

Despite the number of times

It has broken my heart 

Because it is the only true way to be

Because you gain nothing if

You don't put yourself at stake

Because it is a brave, brave thing to do

To bare your heart and bear the consequences 

Never mind

I'll find
Someone like you

-Adele

(How could I settle
for anything lesser
now?)

I am so glad

This shit is not mine
To take care of
Any more

ego boost

when will you stop
looking for validation
in little green bubbles
and pinging noises

and how long after that
will you stop expecting
and waiting at all

Hypocrisy

I may bite my nails
And stroke my hair
And fondle my face
But
Whatever little confidence
I manage to produce
In spite of my
awkward body language
Is real

While you
Are all bluster
And no matter

My number is 1

How soon the heart warms
To the possibility of
creation
adventure
joy

I must be a phoenix

Distractions

Company
Entertainment
Friends
Movies
Books

They all work for me
Eventually help me heal

Does that make me callous?