I will ask you no questions

Not because i do not care
But because i am scared
Of what you will say

Your reassuring presence

Like time has stopped
For a moment
Like all the chattering voices
In my head
Have agreed to pause
To give me
Some time to breathe
Collect my thoughts

Staring into the sun

I do not want to
Hold your gaze

Maybe because it feels like
Staring into the sun

Maybe because i don't want to
Dazzle you with my fire

Maybe i don't want you to
Look through the windows
Of my eyes
Into my soul
And see
Not what is there
But what you want to see

Betrayal

The one that you think
Is closest to your heart
Written only for you

Turns out to be loved
By millions
Does that mean we all have
The same hearts?

When i look for something
That can be only mine

Perplexing

My waking hours are full of
Visions and memories of
Accidents, falls, hurts

I try to read
And see buses colliding
I close my eyes
And hear them screech
I sit still
And feel them
Hurtling into me
From every side
Squeezing me

Like i feel
Shards of glass
Under my feet
Rubble and wreckage
Under my hands

I expect to not sleep well
For fear of these visions
And yet my dreams are full
Only of longing

Down. Jacket.

For days i had a premonition
Of the feathers escaping
The jacket's seams

And then i fell down
And the down rained on me
Like fluffy little clouds

Dumb

Putting all my cards
On the table
At once

Because i would like you to be

Not mistaken about my intentions

I would like to think it is brave

- to bare my soul 

That would leave no room

For me to back out -
even though it is generally described
in not so flattering words

Possessive

She always knew
When he lied
And how i was taken in
Every time

But i was too possessive
To share his words
And have her
Or anyone else
Evaluate them

And too proud to admit
That he would lie to me
And take my feelings
So lightly

not afraid of dying

just afraid of dying
without fulfilling
the myriad desires

without travelling
without creating
without being happy

and then the desires
grow every day

close

he always noticed
if people were
close to each other
if they were hugging
if they were holding hands

If they were even

Leaning into each other

when he was worried
he tore out chunks of his hair

his grip
was always sure
even if he seemed
at a loss for words
and bested
by the world

he wanted to know how
mothers pampered children

Rain

There are years when
We welcome warm,
Light rains
On parched earth

And then there are
Years like this

The day he decided

That my feelings were not important

The things in life

too few and
you explode with the intensity

too many and
you are scattered
like a piece of straw
flowing away in a flood

Every day

Like sweet, potent wine
Your essence grows
Stronger and deeper in me