You are not

The keeper of my memories
Any more
And nor am i yours

Just a couple of words

In hindsight
It might seem like nothing
I might gloss over it
If i want to

But i will remember
The trepidation
The heartbeats
The dizziness
And the weakness

The loving heart of

Another human being
Is our only refuge
In this sad, twisted world

peeling the layers

The day her engagement broke down she said
The stars must be against me
He violates me and will not even marry me

***
A month later if anyone asks her
if she is getting married she would say
I don't know anything about this
and look away, eyes focusing intently
on her fingernails

***
And still later, safe in the cocoon
of people who want the best for her
people who value justice
and progress and independence
she will say
how could i say no to the panchayat
how could i raise my voice
against that marriage,
heinous though it may be?
i want him to rot in jail
for ever and ever
this time her eyes fill to the brim with tears
she looks you straight in the eye


***
and someone may wonder
what she actually wants

while she is busy
fending away his face
from her dreams
thinking and re-thinking
the moment he entered her
trying to forget
the involuntary deluge
that rushed out of her
wondering why it happened
pretending it never happened
pushing it away when it intrudes
asking herself if it happened
because she let it
because she wanted it 

***
and one day she would burn
the diary where she had written
all about her desires

that was long before he forced his way
but they would never understand
and she, she will always keep quiet

because she cannot say she did not want it
for her heart would always question her
even if no one else did
and she cannot say that she wanted him
not that way

so she would always keep quiet
and say what they wanted to hear
i want him to rot in jail forever
because they wouldn't understand
anything else

and she would go back
and beat her head against the walls again
for letting it happen

Western gaze

There are no pleases
And no thank yous in my language
Maybe there are but we don't use them
It is assumed that everything we say
Is said respectfully,
With the correct pronouns and verbs

#how to salvage your dignity
From western gaze
101

Land of (milk and) honey

Somewhere there is a land where
a woman's genitals are called honey
and i wonder what it all means?
so sweet, so precious?
so desirable? but so unattainable?
i wonder what lores surround the word
what stories, what myths
and whether they are all
wistful and respectful
or entitled and vengeful

And elsewhere, it is not spring
that is the king of seasons
but monsoon, the fertile one
that reigns over them all
as the queen