Either or

It's been a while

That I often think 

Of how 

Will and Lyra's story ended

They knew 

That while one lives

The other cannot survive 

That they would wither

In each other's lands

And what I thought

Was fantasy

Comes back to haunt me

Again and again

Because it is true

Every day, every where

For every people 

That none can survive 

In alien lands

Alien hands

And each would wither

In the other's sanctuary 

And so Will and Lyra 

Parted ways

Just so that

They could each 

Live full lives

And this

Was greater to them

Than being together 

If only 

I had had

That courage 

Cork

The image 

That comes to mind

Is a piece of wood

Flung into water

It is sinking

As most things will

In water

But then,

It is wood

Not stone

It's nature 

Is not to sink

It is to float

And so it will

It is just

A matter of time

So is life

And I wait

Wait wait

Deep in the depths of sinking

For the bounce to come back

For the moment of floating

When I break the surface 

And take deep lungfuls of air

And breathe 

And float along lazily 

I wait 

But the wait 

Too heavy to shake off

And I sink

Struggle to float

And sink again 

Geeta

You must do what you must do

Without caring about the results 

You must remove yourself 

Completely 

From the results

From feeling anything 

Not because 

You don't care

But because 

If you only care

You cannot do

What you need to do

Live

To the question of

Where do you live

If you are

Not to be yourself 

Anywhere, with anyone 

The answer is

Alone

You live alone

And nowhere else

The key

Then 

Is to kill yourself 

Ignore feelings 

Entirely 

To not look for

Ways to soak and spread 

And flower and bloom

In the harsh glare 

That is society 

And instead 

To spread yourself thin

Dip your toe

Test the waters

And withdraw 

Constantly 

Only spread your roots

Nay, not roots

But let down a tentacle

Only when it is right

Smile, agree, nod, laugh

For as long as needed

Feeling not a bit of it

Feeling 

Is not necessary here

Only acting is

Only doing what you need to do

And conserve

Your strength 

Live inside your head

Bide your time 

Until

You can let down your guard

Sigh

Close your eyes

And bloom

Let jungles rise from you

Destiny

Everything 

That happened before

Happened 

So that I could accept you

And appreciate 

How precious you are

Harsh light

Picture 

A seed buried deep

In the depths of the soil 

Dark, loamy and rich

It burrows its way up

Slowly, gradually

Unfurls some leaves

Into the dark night

Silent and pulsating 

With mysteries, 

And the promise of life

Stars in the distant sky

And lavender fireflies aglow

A flower blooms

To the tune

Of this black night 

That's you

Taking your own time

To see the world

Learn its ways

Shutting down when you need to

Opening up when you want to 

Swaying gently to the breeze

**

And then imagine 

The flower 

Suddenly thrust into

Piercing white light

Harsh and glaring

Light so strong it's blinding 

And hot, the rays scalding

Imagine the flower

Standing in this white light

All day and all night

Without the rest, respite

And rejuvenation of the night

That's marriage 

Relentless, unceasing 

Scrutinies, demands

For answers, for justifications

Where there are none

**

No doubt you hate it

And yet, 

If you don't learn

To make friends 

With the harsh, blinding

Scorching white light

You will surely wither and die

**

And yet

If you do learn

To make friends with it

You feel

Like a traitor

How can you make friends with 

Something thay blinds you

Sucks the life out of you