Monday, January 15, 2018

Killing kindness

Becoming
Exactly the kind of woman
I hoped not to become

Bowled over
By a couple of kind words

Sincere,
Or otherwise

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Two kind souls

She walked for days
And days and days

Talking, but not conversing
She listened only to the
Chirps of the birds
The rustle of
Pristine mountain streams
Let her eyes get dizzy
From the winding roads
And the verdant forests
That seemed to fade
If you looked away
And to crowd around you
If you looked at them

But did the all-giving
Mother nature
Give her peace?

Skin peeled away from her
In layers
Bubbles formed and burst
And formed again
On her feet
Her limbs ached from
Exhaustion
And the very burden of
Dragging one foot
After another
Was the heaviest

And yet the pain without
Was nothing
Compared to the storm within

She thought she had resolved it
Years ago
She knew the lines:
That her hatred cost him nothing
It only cost her, her sanity
For obsession was keeping her
Away from the life she could have
Forgiveness was for her own sake,
For her peace of mind
It had nothing to do with him

She thought she had embraced
The wisdom

And yet,
The bristles and the stings
Only gathered in her
Another ocean
Another dam
That burst at the first touch
Of a kind soul

When the two gentle souls
Embraced her
She had nothing to say
About the vertigo,
The aches and exhaustion
But the stories in her soul
Came out in torrents

She knew already,
What they said to her
About forgiveness
I forgave long ago,
She said,
But why does it still
haunt me so?

Eventually,
Their generous kindness
Was not enough
Though she still remembers
It with great tenderness
Two kind souls
In the midst of an unfeeling
Wilderness of people

Eventually she learnt
That your demons
Are your own to lay
And only your own
And you will lay them
If you want to

But also that hardships
Don't really add  problems
They only show you
More clearly
The house of your feelings
That you carry with you
Like a tortoise
Wherever you go
They tell you what is important
To you
And no matter where you go
There is no running away
From yourself

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Geriatrics

The fear of being lonely
Of dying lonely
Of being mistreated
Of ending up on the streets
Fear of limbs failing
Of speech and memory failing
Rising insecurity
A drawing up and tightening
Of all the strings that bind
A seeking if constant reassurance
From all those who love

It it as if i have lived
Your life along with  mine
And feel your old age
As deeply in my soul
As you do

And these fears are mine,
These fears for you,
Fears for myself
Long before they are my due

A girl can dream

I dreamt that you and i
Jumped off a building
And touched earth
Lightly on our feet
As if we had wings
And flew everyday

A girl can dream....

Monday, January 8, 2018

When all your dreams

Say you need
Emotional and
Spiritual nourishment

Fumbling around in cold,
Dreary rain
Trying to cook in
A cramped and leaking kitchen
Grtting drunk and
Conveniently pushing it all
Behind memories
And finally,
Gorging on sweet, rich laddoos
And feeling sated