Sunday, August 31, 2014

My pact with god

Give him what he wants,
I said to god.
And i will ask no more of you.
Ever again.

Perhaps it was a test 
Of my forbearance
That he did get what he wanted.

But i did not get him
Despite wasting on him
A lifetime's worth of wishes

Only now 
After years of trying to find detours
To asking for wishes
(And failing,
Because there are no loopholes
To a condition so specifically worded)

Did i find you
Who offered to give me
The feelings
God did not

So what if i cannot
Ask anything of god
I can ask of you
For any number of wishes

Friday, August 22, 2014

No choice

My life is a gaping hole without you
But you are nowhere near enough for me

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

attraction to the dark triad

can you dismiss a feeling away
by giving it a medical tag?
does it affect how you feel
if you are told it is a disorder?
does it make you feel any less
if you are told it was contrived?
does it reduce your intensity
because someone dissects and explains it
with a bell chart where you are on the extreme?

Monday, August 11, 2014

chalk and chesse. kiss and eggs.

they say the first kiss
tells you all about your love
they say you can tell
from your first kiss
how the relationship will go,
all the way to eternity

tn that case,
a kiss is not a kiss
but a basket of eggs.
all the eggs you've got

what if
the one who gives you
kisses like thunder
and hatches all your eggs
proceeds to kill all your chicken
and leave
damn i wish i had
saved a couple of eggs
because it takes a long long time
to gather them again

the kiss makes you feel all lukewarm
and you smash all the eggs yourself
but lukewarmth could have given you,
lets say, omelets instead of chickens
which you like, but not as much as chicken
what if
that is the one that grows and grows
and gives you delicious egg curry
by the end of the year
damn i wish i hadn't
smashed my eggs and left

i think i'll set aside
most of my eggs
for the really important stuff
and give to a kiss
only one egg at a time

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Facing tragedy at a young age

The scale of the effect 
An event can have on you,
Specially minor tragedies,
Is suddenly reduced

Facing tragedy at a young age
May be damaging
It makes you numb
When most people around you
Are overwhelmed

But in other words
It's also called growing up
You just do it a little ealier

After losing love

When i decided never
To love anyone
That i would be afraid to lose

It was strangely liberating

Because 
Now i was not afraid of losing
So i could love
With all the more abandon

The effects of being unloved

The strange mixture 
Of callousness and oversensitivity
When you cannot bring yourself
To say anythin kind
To the people who matter
And yet
The smallest gesture of affection
On yourself
Or on complete strangers
Or even in books or movies
Moves you to tears

- after reading The Reader

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The fire in some women

Even after years of
Marriage and domesticity
She looks
Like her own person