Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Permanence, lack of

Do something
Over and over and over again

Make a few mistakes
Ruin a few samples
get to a rhythm near the end

Realise in the end
How you should have gone about it
In the first place

Try to teach it to the next generation
To your son or daughter
This is how people behave
In these situations, you say
Befriend such and such
Stay away from such and such
Dont break your heart over this idiot
This is not what matters in the long run

Are they going to listen?
despite all your warnings
They are going to run and
Dash their heart out anyways

And so is the cycle of life
Every generation must learn anew

And so we desire children
because our lives are jaded
We have done everything
There is to do
We know
Everything there is to know

And only the children's  
earnest lust for life
Can make us feel alive again

This is how it is in nature
Homes ars made and broken
Food is grown and eaten and finished
Feelings rise and die

And look at human hubris
Thinking they conquered nature
With their permanence 

Permanent roads
Permanent homes
Even permanent food

And nature laughs at us because 
When humans die out
Due to the destruction 
wrought by their own hubris

Nature will rise again
And remake herself
Again and again and again
As she has always done

Monday, March 30, 2020

beginning of the end

Corona virus has set me thinking all over again about how the technological advances we thought would help us have actually harmed us more.

How did corona virus spread so fast around the world? It was because people travelled in such exponentially fast speed than they are physically capable of. Aeroplanes took the virus to every corner of the world. If planes and buses and ships had not existed, the virus would have traveled extremely slowly, maybe killed a lot of people where it originated, but then died out in a little corner without harming most of humanity.

Yes, I am aware that people will say that modernity has its own solutions to its problems, and that a primitive society would not be able to solve it in the same way. Granted, a primitive society may not have even understood what was causing people to die, may not have isolated the patients, and may not have means to impose lockdown, quarantines, get gowns and goggles and treat people so that most of them get well. But then again, a primitive society would not have needed them because far fewer people would have died.

Aeroplanes that spread the corona virus are a prime example of how human technological advancement have created more problems than solved them. A superb achievement of human science, technology, and capacity,, which until I recently I coveted all the moment. I wanted to travel the world and that was my biggest dream, and of course only an aeroplane could make it possible, otherwise it would takes several lifetimes. But after Greta Thunberg's New York Voyage, it is common knowledge that planes are contributing very highly to carbon emission and thus to global warming and thus to climate change, the greatest catastrophe of our times.

Another example is electricity, the very basic fiber of modernity. When electricity was invented, humankind  rejoiced at the end of darkness, and as it spread across the world, the people thought themselves lucky and modern and elevated when they received. In fact, is it a good to artificially extend our daytime? Altering the rhythms of nature so drastically has done no favours to humankind, as artificial light disturbs our sleep rhythms and alters our perception and psychology permanently. Is also disturbs the sleep rhythm of birds, animals, and trees, disturbs natural phenomena and heats up the world unnecessarily at all times, obstructs the stars, and takes away the wonders of the night time. Children today don't know what an actual night time. They don't know how dusk invokes feelings of fear, a longing for home, a desire for company and human society. They don't know that dusk is a time for gatherings and storytelling, and nights are times for other adventures: for gazing at stars, for taking solitary walks, for meeting lovers. They don't know, because night and day are the same to them. And in another time, "they don't know the meaning of darkness" may be hailed as an achievement, but we know now how harmful that is.

With corona the topic of rest and break for mother earth is so much talked about, and electricity is one of the things that contribute to no break for mother earth. never ever. And that is even without counting the thousands of factories that run on electricity, emitting pollution, generating carbon, and heating up the earth.

The list goes on and on. Let's think of plastic and rubber. When plastic was invented it  was thought to solve so many problems. It was cheap, it was impervious, i did not leak, it was durable, it did not imbibe the flavours of whatever it carried. And today, isn't it the biggest polluter of the world? Something that the world has found no way to safely dispose of, since it will not bio degrade and it cannot burn either. And the number of aqauatic life it has killed is another story altogether, that alone would make it humanity's biggest problem right now. But it has done so much worse.

Let's think of mass production. Again, mass production of goods was though to ease the shortage of supplies for most pepole. Earlier, with hand production, people only got to change clothes once a year. And now, most people can buy one pair of clothes a week if they want to, clothes are so cheap and easily available. But then surplus clothes have piled up so much in wastage areas that the oceans are full of them. It is the second biggest polluter of oceans after plastic. Do we really need so much clothes?

Let's think of computers and mobile and how they have made our life easy, and let's think of the piles and piles of electronic waste that cannot be reused and have nowhere to go.

And the harm is not just physical, but mental and emotional as well. Let's think of the internet, and how people are constantly connected at all times. Initially we thought it was a boon, oh wow we can talk to our near and dear ones far far away. But it is harming us in so many ways: first of all our near and dear ones are numerous and are now spread out across the world. Even if you talk to one person in Nepal, India, Australia, Us and UK every day, that is five different time zones, and someone or the other is always up. So dedicating all hours of the day to communicating is extremely unhealthy. But despite that, it is also highly addictive. You might say it makes people less lonely in strange lands, but it also prevents people from settling down in their new places, making friends and learning their own coping mechanisms. This way people are going to be tied to apron strings forever and will never make a new life! I, for one, am deeply upset to find familiar faces and names wherever I go and semi-familiar phone numbers thrust at me

And the comparison and anxiety and depression that we get from seeing perfect lives on facebook and instagram, much has been written about that already. That's even without getting into the personalised market that insulates us from real life, the personalised feeds that increase our biases, and the deluge of nonsense which people end up believing as real news, and the banking frauds and porn industries that internet has increased.

Right now the earth has lashed out and enforced a break, and most things listed above, except internet, have paused. and we can see how good it is for nature. Pollution is less, air quality is highest that we in our generation have seen, animals are multiplying, birds are rejoicing and all of nature is celebrating. We know that this is good for nature.

It's good for nature, and it would be good if humans learnt to do it, because corona virus has showed us so many other ways in which the modern life is untenable. Industry assembly lines have broken down all over the world. Hubei, where corona originated, used to be a manufacturer of masks, and one of the reasons for the shortage right now is that Hubei was in lockdown. And that is just an example. China is a manufacturer of many goods, and even more, manufacturer of parts of goods. Which means that the lockdown has led to a pause in all kinds of "internationally produced and assembled goods" that are not food or medicines.

Just one generation ago, we were so proud of this globalisation. The world is a global village, we said. Look,  a computer is made from parts manufactures in a hundred different countries, we said. Even food can be assembled, said international fast food giants like McDonalds, who processed their foods in a hundred different locations and served extremely fast food. Even service can be assembled, we said, scattering call centers all around the world to provide services to the US and UK.

With corona, not just China but other manufacturers are in lockdown as well, so there goes our global village, POOF! The world is not flat, it never was, and those who believed it were fools then and are fools now, coz what goes around comes around!

Not only the production of goods, but even the social trends at this time say that we only have our immediate community to fall back on, and nothing else. With the lockdown, health care at home providers, nurses and other staff, have stopped coming home. Even OPD service is no longer available at hospitals. If we thought we can just earn enough money and get nurses to take care of our aged, ill relatives, good luck to us. Only those with strong community ties who are going to help each other out in times of need are going to survive this, and other future lockdowns (which are sure to come).


With the international assemblages failing, what are our options? Looks like an extremely localised system, where every society is an independent unit, is the only way to go. (Yes, I am aware that much of humanity is suffering due to the lockdown, that many wage earners survive only because the capitalistic system provides them with daily wages. That not everyone is privileged enough to do nothing and still get enough to eat, and that daily wage labourers are suffering the most and will be relived once the capitalistic system is back on its feet. My imaginary utopia does not see them as redundant outside capitalism, but sees them re-adjusted into new forms of local employment.)

But then, we also know that we will not be doing this again unless we are forced to. Let nature go to hell, but there is no way we will go back. We all know that everything will be back to superhuman speed once the corona crisis is over.

We will not stop traveling on trains. We cannot stop using electricity. We cannot go offline. In fact, sometimes speaking against these steps of modernity may be seen as treason. Let's take, for example, roads. Roads, which were thought to be the panacea for Nepal's ills and were thought  to being great development (which here means making life easier and people richer), are actually causing landslides left and right, because the concrete roads alter the path of rainwater. But of course that doesn't mean that we can stop making roads.

And in that case, while we still continue to use electricity and trains and big factories and all the rest of modern inventions, everything that we do in the name of "environment" and "sustainability" and "earth" and "green" is just guff. If we manage to switch off the lights in our home or shut down desktops or decide to take the bus instead of the plane once, that is just a tiny, tiny, tiny dot against the ocean of abuse we inflict on the earth. Planting a few trees, organic farming, all of these sound good on paper, but really, it is how we say in Nepali, hatti ko mukh ma jeera. A cumin in an elephant's mouth. It will no make a mark on reality. It's not enough to do things in an environment-friendly way in a small scale, because the large world is linked and it only makes a difference if everyone does it.

The only way we and the earth and humanity can be saved is if we go completely offline, eschew all travel on modern transport and do all transport by foot (or horse or bulls), and live a completely organic life where everything we eat or wear is locally produced. No electricity, no electronic equipments, no planes or buses, no mass production.

Actually, according to Yuval Noah Harari in his book Sapiens, even this was not the best for environment. Wherever humans went, they ravaged the earth. Farming laid waste to jungles, and altered geography and weather patterns forever. and hunting was the reason for the extinction of so many animals. The current phase of extinction is not the first bu the sixth, and all previous phases happened because of humans.  Mammoths, dodos, and countless other animals, the earth lost them all to humans. Harari also has a little episode about Tasmanians, people who lived on the coldest parts of earth, but did not wear clothes. They walked and ran and let fire dry them out. Clothes killed them, he said. Because it was so wet and rainy there that clothes got wet, and people died form the cold, when their naked bodies would have warmed by the fire.

The kind of utopian society which neither harms nature, nor harms humans, would be one without farming, without hunting, without clothes, without modern inventions of any kind.  Everything else, ANYthing else that interferes even slightly with the cycle of nature sets humans on the track of sin and abuse and harm to nature. Here, original sin is not a woman who tempts a man to have sex, but the first man, or man, who decides to use a tool, a lever to raise things, a stone to kill, a hand to sow a seed. Yes, original sin is the first tool that a human used to alter the path of nature, the first flicker of knowledge that sneaked into his brain (yes, let's go ahead and blame man and leave the woman out since man has been so proud of these inventions all these years) and gave him a glimmer of hope that he can change thins, he can do things, he can alter the course of nature and make it yield to his needs.

So the perfect society would be where humans live in small groups, like apes do now, freely range across the world, change locations from season to season, going north in summer and coming south in winter, eating only what trees give of their own volition, only the animals that drop dead of their own age.

And let's be realistic, THAT is NEVER going to happen. We may give up one or two things, but no one will give up everything, not even me. Not even Greta Thunberg.

This might sound pessimistic, but yes, I am totaly pessimistic, and I think humankind is steadily walking to its own doom. In fact, it was walking until the last century. But with the super-high speed of technological advances, it is now running and leaping to its own doom. Sorry to end on a hopeless note, but there is really nothing we can do. 

Friday, March 27, 2020

photographs

people in olden days
would not agree to be photographed
said it would reduce your life

and we scoffed at them,
no, tantra mantra
and voodoo don't exist,
we said
that's just for foolish people
who think they can draw images
and speak some mumbo jumbo
and do harm to others

but then,
doesn't it take the life out of your life
to be defined, stereotyped, and
remembered for ever
by your image
instead of
by your personality?

no, taking a photograph
does not take minutes or seconds
off of your life

but look at what we see
on newspapers
do we not forever remember one person
by what we see on the page?

we do not bother to find out
about who they are,
beyond that one particular image

all the more true
for th age of social media today
any photo you post today
will mark you for the rest of your life

and every person you meet thereafter
will come to you with the preconceived notion
of who you are
from images taken at
either happily choreographed moments
or unhappily wrested from you during
accidental moments

who you are
what your life is
doesn't matter
bause people will have
images to prove
who they think you are

and the more images out there
the more fragmented your personality
and the more proof people have to claim you who you are
(think Meghan Markle)

and you can try your best
but you will never convince people
that you have a life
beyond those photographs

no, taking a photograph
does not take minutes or seconds
off of your life

but the essence of your life?
now that is another question altogether

Sunday, March 22, 2020

in the times of corona

The cafe at a corner in Patan was clean and spotlessly shiny. And though it was not very expensive, it served fancy lattes and doppios just as well as any of the expensive cafes in Jhamsikhel. It was her favourite place to go - the kind of place where well dressed students from expensive private schools lounged and discussed outdated English literature. The kind of place where her ripped jeans would be seen as fashionable and not as a sign of deterioration. The kind of place where you could feel fancy even if you didn't have enough money for the really fancy restaurants.

She hurried towards it. And just as she had suspected, the cafe had a notice - cafe will be closed from tomorrow. She sat down with a sigh in one of its light bamboo stools outside, and looked away pensively.

"Sad that you won't be getting your daily fix?" a voice chirped up nearby, startling her. She looked up to see a sharp young man eagerly looking at her from another chair nearby.  The way he sat on two chairs and leaned across a third clearly showed that he was familiar with the space. His expression of curiosity, with a nose that actually seemed to be sniffing out her frustration, put her on the edge.

"Some people have other things to worry about than a cup of cappuccino!" she snapped, and was surprised at her own sharpness.

"Oh!" he smiled easily, blinking rapidly and falling back into his chair. "You are more worried about corona than coffee?"

The waitress had come out to take her order.  "Please enjoy our last cup today ma'am, we are closing down due to corona tomorrow," said the pleasant mannered young lady.


"Thank you, one latte please," she said to the waitress. "And what are you going to do after the cafe closes?"

The waitress let her fake smile go as she eased into her real feeling of distress. "I don't know, maybe go back home to Ramechhap, But then, what will I do there?" she sighed as she went to the kitchen.

"See, that's what I am worried about," she mumbled, almost to herself, but she knew the young man was listening. "What are daily wage earners going to do? How are they going to live while corona lasts? Everyone will go on quarantine and offices will be closed. But people like them will suffer. They have no security."

"But you cannot expect this cafe to give them security, keep them employed when there are no customers," the young man replied, looking up at the cafe with a pensive frown. Across the glass window, his eyes met the cashier's, and both briefly nodded at each other. "He is a nice guy, and he doesn't want to do this."

"Maybe you are friends with the cafe owner here. But the fact that he is a nice guy doesn't mean that he doesn't have an advantage here," she fumed, as she finally took a good look at the young man. His jeans were not ripped, and he was not smoking, though it was the outdoor smoking zone. Clean shaved, he could be a cut above the average college student who visited the space, since he seemed to know everyone at the cafe. "All fine for capitalists to hide behind the nice guy frame. It's not them who are losing anything. They have all the rice, dal, soap, and sanitizers they need. They can just stay home an ride out the storm."

"Is it his fault that he has the resources to be safe?" asked the young man, turning back at her with a concentrated frown. "Is it his fault that he was born with money? In fact it is a credit to him that he had the brains to multiply what he got."

"No, but is it his staff's s fault if they don't have the same resources?" she asked, as the waitress came over with the coffee. Perhaps aware that she was being referenced, she slightly stumbled, spilling the coffee. The young man swiftly got up and steadied her. The two shared a conspiratorial look as he took the coffee cup from her brought it over. "Hire the neediest, make them work unearthly hours for lowest wages, and fire them as soon as a crisis arises. Strip a worker off of all humanity and reduce them to lowest wage, that's all capitalists are good for."

"Apologies," he said, and she didn't know if it was for the spilled coffee or for his statement. "But this young lady here has a lot to gain from this employment. She would otherwise be back home in Ramechhap, dependent on her family for money, or married off."

"Just because our previous system was faulty doesn't mean that capitalism is the answer," she said spiritedly as she sipped her coffee. "There could have been ways to educate and empower women without them going through the capitalistic mill."

"Good luck with that!" he said sarcastically. "But until then, what's wrong with the capitalistic mill anyway? Why shouldn't a man earn his profit when he can?" now he seemed to be speaking almost to himself as he studied his nails deeply. "Wouldn't you do the same if you could?" he mumbled.

"Because it's not fair!" she almost screamed, or cried, or both, and the boy looked up, surprised at her ernestness. "The resources of the earth belong equally to all humankind. How can a capitalist lay claim to something and make millions of profits from it and make others suffer for it?" she had stared rambling and stuttering now, and struggled to put her sentences together. it was obvious that she had had his argument many times, and routinely broke down in exasperation at this point . "In fact, not just to human, but to all animals and living beings and plants and insects too, in equal portion. Look at how nature is lashing out because humans have taken too much!"

The boy, who had been staring at her fixedly with his eyes growing rounder every minute, suddenly burst into an absurd, full throated laughter, and bent over double. The girl watched him with shimmering eyes until he too had tears of laughter in his eyes.

"Ok, so, because theoretically the earth and its resources belong to everyone, a human should give up opportunities and take only his share? And who determines what his share is?" he asked in mock seriousness.

"No, no one does." Now she was speaking as if she was explaining to a 5-year old. "But then, you can be minimalistic, take only what you need....".

"But for your kind information, while I sit away in my minimalism and let my talents rot, another person is going to come and grab the opportunity and make profits anyway. It's not going to make difference to the earth and its resources what you do," now he too was speaking to a 5-year old, in slow and deliberate phrases, looking her deeply in the eye.



"Maybe for the first time we agree. You cannot really solve capitalism, because we are already so deep into it that there is no way we can set up an independant system," she trailed off, not knowing how to end this.

As she stared far into the horizon, she was conscious of his piercing gaze, that would look away the moment she tried to meet it.

Maybe if she had met him at another setting, she might have introduced herself with a confident handshake and asked for his email. Or if not, at least his name, so that she cloud stalk him on social media before deciding if she wanted to talk to him more.

But no, they had argued too much already.

As she got up to leave, she wondered if she saw the same twinge of regret in his eyes as he smiled and waved at her. She thoughtfully picked up her bag - containing her thesis on the impact of world market's ebb and flow on Nepal's domestic economy - walked around the corner to where she had parked her car, and drove off to the university for another round of editing.

The young man went inside the cafe - picked up his bag - he had just been told to stay home until he as needed, and walked to the bus park where he boarded a bus to Ramechhap.


**
Spoilers ahead

Do not read if you want to experience the story with your own perception

The characters present many facets - and all of them are true depending on where you stand in the spectrum. Feel free to choose, or make up your own interpretation

  • In an increasingly uninformed world carried away by capitalism, the scholar offers the only hope.
Or
  • Scholars talk much and do not much.
Or
  • People under capitalism are always exploited, and are simmering with unspoken rage. 
Or
  • There is not colonising without the explicit consent of the colonised. Capitalism would not succeed without the explicit and willing participation of its victims.

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

why

a great weariness besets me
as i think of all that
there is still left to do

the people to meet
that i will not remember
the duties to do
that i will do half heartedly
or completely fail at
the social engagements to keep
that will kill my soul

most people are already
halfway through life
by this time
And in the middle ages 
People died at 36
i could have died at 33
and here I am
just beginning life

i could just disappear
into the cracks of the earth
and rest for ever

why am i taking
so much trouble
when it is only trouble

and then the lightening cracks
and thunder rumbles across the sky
and rain falls in icy curtains
wind howls terribly

and i know
why
i am taking the trouble

on a night such as this
i would be nowhere else
but with you

Monday, March 16, 2020

ईच्छा

पाइसकेपछि कुनै पनि चाहना
पुरा भइसकेपछि कुनै पनि ईच्छा

किन लाग्छ पुरानो, श्रीहीन, बेकार

र नपाउञ्जेलको तृष्णा
किन लाग्छ हाँसउठ्दो

तर पनि किन लाग्छ ईच्छा
बारम्बार
किन हुन्छ मोह,
किन हुन्छ आशक्ति

शायद धेरै वर्षपछि
फर्केर हेर्दा लाग्छ होला मलाई

किन चाहें त्यो सानो,
कुनै महत्व नभएको चीजलाई
त्यति धेरै


किन तिम्रो मन दुखाएँ
त्यस नाचीजको नाममा

जबकी हाम्रो लामो यात्रामा
यो  घटना एक पल पनि रहँदैन
जीवनको विहंगम चित्रमा
यो एक रत्ती पनि छैन

शायद होईन,
पक्कै लाग्छ
एकदिन मलाई यस्तो

तर त्यो दिन धेरै टाढा छ प्रिय

र आज
यो नादानको आत्मामा
छैन त्यति धैर्य
छैन त्यति शक्ति
छैन त्यति ज्ञान

म चाहन्छु जे चाहन्छु
र त्यही नै चाहन्छु

नपाएमा
निकै नै रुनेछु
र तिमीसँग
धेरै धेरै दिन नबोल्नेछु

Friday, March 13, 2020

Taming the shrew

When They Saw her spirit was wild
They tried to nail it down
Telling her it was Good for her
To not put herself in danger

***

And Then There were others
Watching from afar
Desiring her favour

Who Saw her chafe under it
And tried to egg her on

A way to be in her Good books
By letting her Do
Whatever She wanted

**

But none gave her peace
Except for the one
Who spoke With love

**

Jaat jatin

minerva alexandra

he reads her mind
as if she were transparent glass

and he could see
right through her

yes, she is minerva
the one who learns, teaches
and forever follows
the path of knowledge

and yes, she is also
alexander, the one
who wants to conquer

but she is also venus
that she keeps well hidden
and surfaces only occasionally
that only he had seen
and brought to the fore

exposed,
she wants to gather
some warmth around herself
and wrap up in

what it means

They will try to split you asunder
Tell you what your name is
Where you belong

And you cannot turn back
And go to where you belonged
For they will push you too

Between the push and the pull
You have no home
And like a tortoise
You must carry your home
On your back

Only what you can
Take upon yourself
Is yours

So you better carry
Everything within
Which (like hermione´s tiny purse)
expands to fit
Anything you want to carry along

You are your own home
And the only home
That no one can take away
From you