Monday, April 30, 2018

inspired!

(copied from the internet, definitely not my creation) 
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s
longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like 
a fool for love, for your dream,for the,
adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s 
:-) betrayals <3 or have become shrivelled 
and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own without
moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
(copied from the internet, definitely not my creation)

Saturday, April 28, 2018

tyranny of fate

When she was young she hated red
Because every woman around her
wore it constantly
and constantly told her to
get out of those drab colors
and wear something bright and pleasing

but somehow,
she found red a bit too showy
maybe even vulgar
a bit rustic, uninspired
and definitely stereotyped

she wanted to escape its tyranny

light, foamy sea green is so serene,
and deep, rich blue so evocative,
she always thought
she was attracted to indigo lipstick
And once bought some fluorescent eyeliners
look how fun and original that looks...
she wanted to be fun,
she wanted to be original
she wanted to defy the stereotypes and say
look, that works too,
you don't really need the old things
brown and beige are just as warm
white is just as classy
who needs red,
when you can have everything that red gives
and not be a siren
And she was a fierce advocate of
Black and white
It's more complete than
All the colors of the spectrum,
She used to say

but no matter how beautiful she looked
in all these myriad colors
nothing made her
take a second look at herself
or stop in her tracks
as when she wore red

she denied the superiority of red for years
until one day she just realized
that her wardrobe was full of
her favorite unnamed color

and after all she wanted to look good
be attractive to the person she liked
for isn't that human nature?
(another stereotype that she though
she would reject, but that's another story...)

she wasn't one to do things half-heartedly
so she would have to say she loved red
for she knew by now, in her heart of hearts
that to attain red was to attain power
to attain the most attractive form of her womanhood
to acknowledge her sexuality in full

but admitting that would be like selling her soul....
selling out to the adult world
giving up on her austere world
of greens and blues and indigos
losing her entire image of herself
as a renouncer of the material

like an enchanted village that
always takes you to the same gate
no matter how far you drive away

you always arrive at the same things in life
snow white's three drops of red
are every woman's:
the one of birth, first blood, and childbirth
all the tales say so
all the songs say so
and they say so because it is true
because all these senses
the colors, the smells, the sounds
they affect you in ways
that you can't even begin to understand....

maybe that soul-selling
is a part of growing up....
you leave the austere, severe
colors of your girlhood behind
and embrace your sexuality
for denying your sexuality
would also be killing your soul
which her puritan young soul
had not comprehended

but why aren't there other options?
and it's not just about the color red
it's also about feeling cloistered
with the repetition
and  inevitability of life
of finding that all kinds of lives
have already been mapped out
generations ago
all of it predictable, all of it inevitableand that no matter how much you experiment in youth
you come to value the same things
that your ancestors have valued for generations
run away from the same things
the circle of life never ends, and never varies

why should life follow
the old, accepted patterns
what happens to the ideas,
the possibilities you see in your youth?
why break stereotypes anyways,
if the stereotype was the best thing ever?
what's the point, of going off the beaten track
if the track is horrible and gets you nowhere?
what's the point of saying 'this, too, works'
when it doesn't work as well as
what you already have?
Maybe your entire life
Your every response to every life event
Every transgression and every reaction
Is already mapped out in the womb
Maybe there is no escaping the destiny
No such thing as free will

she, who had wanted to be original
and new and fun
and reject the stereotypes
and not be vulgar and not be a siren
and still do things her way in life 

she might as well
take a loaded gun to her forehead
and pull the trigger

for like an enchanted village that
always takes you to the same gate
no matter how far you drive away,

for her there is no place to go

an image of her mother

like her mother, grandmother
and ever other woman before her
she has not learnt
despite her advanced generation
that food does not equal to love

nomenclature

It means the respect and devotion
due to a person, or to nature
or to to birds, or animals
or the deities, or the ultimate god


it means singing, as an act of devotion
it means the act of staying up all night
to serve the one you love
it means love, ultimately
it means the kind of songs
that my soul chases

(nowadays it has come to mean
a sterilized, squeaky clean kind of service
but i will ignore that from now on)

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Your true love versus mime

People like you
Who want to be with
Those who love you
Rather than
Those you love

What would you do
Without people like me
Who jump into things
Without a moment's hesitation
Wear their hearts on their sleeves
And are ready
To give it all up for love.....

What's the worst

That can happen ?

We will feel a little sad
When we part

But it's better than
Feeling nothing

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Courage, lost

I have lost the nerve
to pound on
the doors of your soul
Since you bar it
yourself

(is true love
not giving up?
or is it
giving you your space? )

Monday, April 23, 2018

Too much...

All i wanted
Was a few moments
With you

And apparently
It's too much
To ask for

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Walled inside waters

Back when i was
First asked the question
Close your eyes and think of the ocean
What feelings does it inspire in you?
Describe it in three words

I thought of green
A light, foamy, sea green
Warm to touch and clear to sight
I thought of miles and miles of sun
I thought of freedom, smiles and happiness

That was before i learnt
That ocean was  a metaphor for life
For that was not how i saw life
But perhaps that was how
I wanted life to be

Now i cannot of
That kind of ocean any more
My mind conjures up a blue image
Ice cold, steely blue waters
Thunderstorms, never ending chill
And worst of all, nowhere to go

Where once i saw possibilities
I see only inevitabilities
That you cannot escape from

(And my wishes
Have crept into my dreams
Where i saw a wide open house....
A house, they say
Reflects your sense of self
And this was a house
Where i could do anything
Spend summer nights happily
Sleeping outside
I know that sense of possibilities
Is the life i want for myself
Not one wherr i feel
Walled in and cornered...
But apparently i have lost
That power of flight
In my waking hours
They exhaust me so much at daytime
That they creep in at night
To remind me that there is more to life...)

Friday, April 13, 2018