the girl child

Fierce warriors celebrate 

a victory in the courtyard

raising their weapons above their heads
and dancing in a circle
They were boasting about killing many people

Two men come in, 

bearing a girl high on their shoulder

A smiling, grinning girl 

They put her down 

and she started walking

Dressed in a plain orange sari and blouse 

with a light golden border

She had tied it up dhoti style between her leg 

so that she could walk easily

As if she was dressed for battle

She carried no weapons, 

but I knew she could lead a war

She was powerful, even a little bit arrogant 

in the knowledge of her own power

I instantly new that she was the kumari

 

But she was not like the demure, 

docile little girls dressed up as kumaris today

She was radiant, 

and the glow came from her power, 

the power of a little girl's sexuality, 

latent, not flowered yet, 

but holding the promise of an entire creation

She knew her powers, 

which made her awesome to behold.

She walked towards me, purposefully

Between us was a mound of ash

on one side covered in bright orange

Vermilion, I presumed. 

 

She scooped up some in her hand, 

and offered it to me

I accepted it in my hands, 

and there it a lay, 

a miniature of what was on the ground

A mound of ash 

covered with vermilion on one side

The realisation that 

this was not a little girl 

but a grown woman in a little girl's body

The ashes, of Shivaji

and Kumari, an incarnation of Durga, 

it all fit together

 

She was Shakti, 

in the human form of kumari

She was the entire feminine energies 

of the universe who gave me a prasad.

If I do not believe in god

and shakti or kumari, 

how do I take it, 

as an atheist person?

 

Kumari, a symbol of 

latent feminine energies

and Shakti, the entire 

feminine energies of the universe

gave me a prasad

Bright vermilion over ashes

 

A new life full of feminine energies 

over the ashes of an old one

 

It is time, she said. 

to awaken your 

feminine energies again

Possession

Having grown to reason
It is difficult to feel

essense

focus on your work, says Krishna
and do not think of the results,

but how would i work

if i am not motivated by

what i would achieve, 

I would ask

and krishna would tell you that

attachment to results
takes away your devotion to work
and besides,
you cannot control the results
you cannot control
how your actions are going to
impact the world

But how would I work?

With passion, or as duty?

Krishna says your work will be pure

if you leave personal interests behind

So you have to leave passion behind

for passion after all is personal attachment

And do your duty

how will i save myself

from being misguided

like arjuna who killed millions

maybe some will take it upon themselves

to kill people

or maybe not go to that extreme but

do things that harm others, 

considering it their duty

in that case,

think about what will benefit the universe

every person has a role to play

and sometimes, 

what might seem like a bad thing from near

may be good for the universe

if you look from afar

it is the duty of a butcher to kill animals

but even though it takes life, 

it is necessary for sustenance

and the butches must do his work with devotion

so that humans are benefitted

always do your duty with devotion

and that should be enough

what is this devotion that you talk of?

to what or whom should I be devoted?

and how will that save me from the 

moral implications of my negative actions?

the devotion is to Krishna, of course

but what if I am atheist?

do I really need to be devoted to a deity

to do my duty well?

No, you don't 

Krishna is only a symbol

For the power that runs the universe

think of it as the almighty force of the universe

Which is beyond your comprehension

And it will do what it will do, 

beyond your control

perform every action

with your devotion to the goodness of this

almighty universe in mind

and do only what will benefit it

and yet in doing do

if i am not motivated by passion

then I will be bored by what I do

or worse, feel my duty is a burden 

and give it up

to work for the happiness of the universe

is also one of your duties

and for that, you too need to be happy

so you do the work that makes you happy

and also benefits the universe

when you are not working

make your you spend your time on

making your heart and soul happy

and do it with the same devotion

that you give to work

for making the universe joyful

is also your karma

what if there is a conflict

between what makes me happy

and what makes universe happy

If your society benefits, 

then you directly benefit from it

since you too are a part of it

The final aim is to fulfill everyone's desires...

Of this big machine you too are a part

And if you are sad and sick,

that needs to be repaired too  

Hence it is your duty to be hale and hearty

In body, heart, mind and spirit 

Maybe Krishna said all of this

Or maybe he said only some of it

And we understood more than what he said

Anyhow, to keep working without caring for results

To work with passion and get better everyday

And to do work that benefits the universe

Is not such a bad idea

And I have a feeling Krishna would approve

Of developing your own logic

To fit the situation

bossy

Her friends did not have it easy
They not only had to
read the books she liked
But also like them
just as much as she did
And to feel exactly
as much excitement as her
about every little twist
Follow its rambling mysteries
through all its mazes
not get tired by its
soporific elements
and be enlightened at the end
exactly as she is


yes, tall orders
and yes,
very difficult to follow

but she lived in oblivio
of how much it bothered
the people around her

she only wanted
to please herself

but one fine day
she realised that
trespassing other people's
boundaries to please herself
was not allowed
was not right

she would have to learn
to stop doing that

so she would rescind
the octopus tentacles
that she sent out
to hug people to suffocation

instead,
coil them around herself
and suffocate herself instead

so much so that
she bled in ink

a voice

that blows out smoke rings
walks up hills
flies across the skies

echoes in caves
and cascades down with waterfalls

and if it seemed to taper off
and move away
i would gladly follow it
to the ends of the earth

हलुका भारी

शान्त समुद्रभित्र सल्बलार्इरहेका
जीवनहरू जस्तै
मनभित्र सधैं थिए यी भावना
तर अदृश्य, अपरिचित

कहिलेकाहिँ अचानक
एक झलक देखिन्छ
धेरैपछि बादल फाटेर
अाकाश खुलेझैं
र टाढाटाढाका पहाडहरू
स्पष्ट देखिएझैं

बादलले फेरी
छाेप्दै लुकाउँदै गर्दा
म सार्छु एक एक पाइला
अन्धकारमा 
र जति पाइला सार्छु
त्यति आफ्नै उज्यालाेले
देख्दै जान्छु

यो हो मेरो सपनाको संसार

मनभित्रकाे याे धर्ती देखिसक्न
शायद लाग्छ एक जुनी

तै पनि
लिएर हिँड्छु सधैं आफैंसँग
याे सिंगाे कल्पनाकाे संसार
रंगीबिरंगी यी चाहनाहरू

हेर्दा देखिन्छन् निकै भारी
तर लाग्छन् धेरै हलुका
बाेक्छु म खुशी खुशी

आज छाेड्दैछु तिम्रै दैलाेमा
चिन्छाै कि तिमीले भनेर

थाहा छ यहाँ छन् सुरक्षित
मेरा यी सपनाहरू

काँचकाे टुक्रा जस्तै
एक प्रहारमा भत्किने
धुवाँकाे रंगमा हराउँदै बिलाउने
नाजुक यी सपनालाई
हुन त म आफैं जोगाउँछु

तै पनि तिमीलाई दिंदैछु
विरानाे याे संसारमा
तिमीले बस्,

चिन्छौ कि भनेर
बुझ्छौ कि भनेेर

Dreams

Just like I pass on
A book or A song
I wish I could drop off
A bag of dreams
For you to peruse
At your convenience

temple of dystopia

The temple was surely astounding in its beauty. Rows upon rows of intricately carved pillars, led to an inner sanctum that was awe inspiring in its delicate grandeur. The roof was slightly lit up with a golden light, suffusing the entire worship room in soft, golden wisps.


Faith and devotion may be mystical concepts, but it is modern technology that has helped convert them into reality. You don't need to sing bhajans to invoke an ethereal atmosphere. There are speakers strewn all over the lawn, disguised as rocks. They play soft, devotional music all the time, and you don't have to memorise the lyrics either. Moreover, the lyrics change according to the place, Hindu Bhajans in the Hindu section and Buddhist bhajan in the Buddhist section. The speakers are placed wisely around the perimeter so that you hear soft devotional songs everywhere you go, but no music clashes with the other.

You don't need to trek up to a mountain top and feast your eyes in the golden light of the morning, which turns the white mountain tops crimson, and fills you with unbearable delight and humbleness at your own small, insignificant place in the world. You can simply go to the temple and enjoy the little blinking lights in the evening, that will make you feel like you have conquered the world, nature. Beauty is at your fingertips, rather than being distant and fleeting.

But take a step back for perspective and you see that apart from physical beauty, very little makes sense at the temple. You don't know which deity it belongs to, because all conceivable deities are scattered around the premises. There are life-size models of Krishna and the Gopinis, standing beside a poster of a summary of the Bhagwad Geeta. There are stories of the Ramayana in the posters everywhere. In the innermost part is a Shiv linga. But then, nearby, is a tiny little Stupa, which declares that it contains Buddha's remains. How Buddha's remains came to be here in a temple constructed so recently, and not in the well known temples that have upheld Buddhist faith for so long, is a mystery that will not be revealed.

Perhaps the most striking difference is in the devotion. At old seats of faith you see lines of people who walk towards the sunrise, carrying everything they have in huge cloth bundles on their back, offering the goddess their whole hearts, braving the cold to sing songs all night (or maybe it is the other way around). No, that kind of devotion you will never see here.
It doesn't matter that today, no one goes there with one bit of faith in their hearts, they go there to take selfies. Tomorrow, this will be the seat of faith that will be seen as an example by historians and archaeologists. A rural temple that people go to pray often does not even have a temple, and even if it does, the little wooden structure crumbles every few years. There are no paths to these places, paths are carved out once a year by the feet of pilgrims. There are no hotels, no lodges, because people carry everything they need. One would almost feel that this temple does not exist at all, except in the hearts of people who believe.

Entire civilisations have been lost that way, and today we question if Buddhists even existed in Western Nepal, because there are so few remnants of heir existence. Legends tell of a vast empire, but only a few ruins exist to verify that story.

In contrast, the urban construction has a large, beautiful structure, clean, shiny paths that are conscientiously maintaind, bustling hotels and corporate bazaars that are proof of this place's popularity. Besides, there are two museums, one about Buddhism and one about Hinduism. The Buddhist museum has documented the entire history of Buddhism, and the Hindu one has relics from all over the country: shila from this temple and jal from that temple. Yes, it is indeed a great example of how Hindu and Buddhist faiths are both preserved so well. Hundreds of years later, no one will remember a temple that only lived in the heart and soul of its devotees, but this, this concrete structure will live on, as an example of Hindu-Buddhist tolerance, co-existence, and devotion in the country.

तिमी

संसारको हल्ला भन्दा धेरै टाढा
मनभित्रको मोती

म तब मात्र टिप्न सक्छु
जब हुन्छाै तिमी नजिकै
जब देखाउँछाै तिमीले बाटो
मेरै मनभित्रको

The Good woman

So moved as Van Gogh

by the misfortunes

of people at Auvers

that he first gave them
his coat, 

then his home, 

and finally asked them

to move into his church

and there he lived with them,

eating what they eat and

living how they live 

forgetting his salary 

of a churchman

he gave his everything

and that gave him peace

relief (I assume)

that he gave his  best
to the world around him
and that he reached
everything and every one
that he possibly could

the world
was a small place...


today if you give you coat
and your home and your church
and all your lifetime savings
it will still not be enough
to solve anything
like van gogh one wants to
shower attention and love
on those whom your heart
seeks out

but today there are
so many millions
of sad stories that
one would just get lost
and drown in them

the theory is, of course
that we do what we can
that we do not look at the
whole wide world
but at our own small periphery
and contribute what little we can
to make the lives of
people around us better

but in practice,
we can do a lot today
a lot more than we want to
or can handle in a lifetime
a lot more than was possible
in van gogh's time

for example,
of course I can give up
all my bank savings

and my clothes and home

and save every month

to donate every extra penny

and raise money through 

fund raising events or charities

and yes,
i could do it all life long

because there would always

be need

so what is my excuse

for not doing it?

Once upon A time

It was enough
To be Good And kind
And care for the
Disadvantaged in your
Own community

And Now the Poor woman
Cannot even comprehend

How to go about
Being good

The "we"

An attempt to hide your own identity
And seek Comfort in numbers?

Or an attempt to steal
Somebody else's ideas
And blow yourself up
Beyond What you were alone?

not meant to be

this hubris of human kind
this belief that we have
conquered nature with technology

**

the age of telecommunications
was meant to aid connections
between people far and wide
only to find that
the most calls, still, are local
are between people we know
and see and touch and smell
 sure in the age of newspapers
and radio and TV we got overexcited
about being able to hear the news
from all over the world
mighty theories were made
drawing comparisons and parallels
between various countries,
continents, and worldwide trends

and how they mighty ideas have fallen
in the age of the internet when
we are bombarded with
trivialities from all the over the world
like 27 pictures of potatoes
that look like superman
and many other things

and trying to draw up connections
theories, worldwide trends
leads you into a quicksand
from which there is no way out

**

this pride that we can be in touch
with anyone, anywhere, anytime
and actually, human connections
are not meant to interrupt you
at all hours, like they do now

your boss is not supposed
to spy into your life at 7PM
comment on where you have been
spending your free time
lecture and moralise you

your childhood friend
that you lost in touch with
is not supposed be around all the time
available at a click on viber and facebook
And constantly poke you with
a vague sense of guilt
about not being in touch more often
not caring like you did
when you were physically together

no, it wasn't meant to be like this
the distance was supposed to make you pine,
grow sad, and then develop a mechanism
for coping with it
if they are gonna be around all the time
how are you gonna learn to cope with anything?

***

among many other things
that were not meant to be
was the internet
you are not supposed to have
concrete reminders of
minute moments of your  life
every day
it gets so overwhelming,
you are supposed to deal with
every day as it comes,
and memories only
once in a while, naturally

and now that the internet is
so chock-full of memories
that it doesn't know
what to do with them
every few years it rehashes them
and sends them out to terrorise people
again and again and again

what are we supposed to do
with this overload of information?
when are we supposed to have the time
to go through everything
wasn't it more natural when
one person could only access
 the information that one could digest
in a lifetime?
to have time to slowly process
and ask questions and formulate theories?
what are we gonnna do with
thousands and thousands
of counter theories in a second?

like an old person
who has their memories confused
is the internet now
a tangle and a mess
of things it doesn't recognise itself...

at home in the earth

you might think that
people who travel all the time
have no sense of home

and yet you see that
they actually
have homes everywhere they step

we come from families
that reared cows
went up to the high passes
every summer
let their cattle graze
on rare herbs and flowers
and came back down on winter

to live only briefly,
before setting out to trade

and all these places were home
for a few months at a time

migration is a part of human nature,
they say

And even today
on tractors ply long distance,
you see the driver has made a home,
by setting up a little tent
with pillows and mattresses
at the back of his tent

only today,
are we confined within four walls
and think that
this is what life is meant to be
learnt to think of shelter
not as comfort but as necessity
and the only way to be

extremeties

She had the habit of going

to the extremities every times

If, for example, there was a dispute of properties

And someone told her that private companies

Have the right to charge rent on land

She might say, no they don’t,

Because the earth and its resources

Belong equally to all human beings

If someone told her they want to have a legacy

Be remembered for their good deeds

And contribution to human kind

She might say, what is the use

The earth will soon be destroyed by climate change

And even if humans survive that,

The sun is going to swallow the earth anyway,

In a million years

If someone told her that sufferings

Are the way to wisdom and compassion

She might say, but what about the millions

Who suffer and do not get anywhere

What about slaves, and prisoners of war

And women who are doomed to live and die in captivity

Where does their suffering get them?

Does it make them any more compassionate?

And even if it does, what is the use as

Inequality rages on in the world?

the arrows of mara

Mara's army
shoots hundreds of arrows
towards Gautama

But when they touch him,
they turn into flowers....

If only we know 
how to turn those arrows
of our daily suffering
into flowers with
wisdom and compassion

we will have so many flowers
that we won't know
where to keep them

and like buddha,
will thank every person
who made us suffer
and helped us take
one more step
towards enlightenment

i could watch it forever

rain fell in dreamy showers around them

and they sat dry and safe

watching gentle droplets
wash, cleanse, and cool the world

like a dream,

on one side the rain was like silver arrows

falling into the deep green of the jungle

and on the other, 
it was lit by the golden sunlight

Why do your songs

speak to me
like they are speaking only to me

सुटकेस

सुटकेसमा दुई लुगा हालेर ठान्यौ
यत्ति हो जिन्दगी

कोठाभरी जरा गाडेर बसेको जिन्दगी
भित्तामा तस्वीर बनेर टाँसिएको
अलिकति टुक्राहरू बाथरूममा
साबुन र श्याम्पुको बोतलमा भरिएको
भान्सामा तिम्रो मन पर्ने भाँडामा
पाकेर छट्केर तिमीलाइ पर्खेर
बसिरहेको जिन्दगी

यत्रतत्र छरिएको जिन्दगी
तिमी सोच्छाै तिमी अटाइदिन्छमै
एउटा ठुलो २५ लिटरको झोलामा

जति ठुलो भए पनि कहाँ अटाउँछाै
बिहानै बार्दलीमा पोखिएको
सुनाैलो घाममा बाँच्ने जिन्दगी

submerge

the day passes by in a blur
as a glut of things
you don't want to think about
float around

and pushed willy nilly
into this ocean you drown
and feel disconnected
from what you really feel
 what you really want to think about
what motivates you, drives you
makes you feel happy and sad

none of it is there
as, like a machine,
one by one you pick up the
plastic bits floating around you
and deal with them,
with the precision of a robot
that you have become

you put away and bury
the urge to reach deep down
into yourself

when all of a sudden
there is a connection
with someone who takes you there
and i reach out

im so done with this fake shit
take me there where you live

The universe thinks

We have things
To say to each other

(re)