true self

i always disliked the idea that
of the 'true self'
how people said
this is just 'what i look from outside'
but i am totally different person 'really'

what is that really?
to me it seemed like
just an excuse for bad behaviour
like, hey, maybe im rude
or maybe im insensitive
but hey, that's not the real me
its deep down here
weeping at what i did

hahaha

ok yeah, what the world sees
is not all of you
and there are thoughts and feelings
that you are not comfortable
sharing with everyone
but then, the way you respond to the world
isn't that also a part of you?
granted, a public part of you
and not the complete picture
but also a real, true part of you
you make a conscious choice
in what you choose to show to the world

-----

only when you are swimming
in a glut of meaningless things
simpering here, nodding there
adding oh yea? really?
to mindless comments about
weather and politics and way of life
and wishing you could be
anywhere but here

and then suddenly you get
a tingling feeling
of what you really want to do
really want to talk about
really want to listen and be
a hint, a connection
and you want to close your eyes

only then do you realise that hey
true self!
it really exists, and here it is!

gully boy

talk to a person of any profession
and they will tell you how their work
is the most important work in the world
doctors, teachers, farmers
economists, ecologists, labourers
cleaners, scientists, politicians
they will all see their work
as central and inevitable to the world

and i, the folklorist, am no different
i see the utility of everything else
but i also see that we are all unhappy
because we are
not able to connect with each other
because we are
no longer able to express
what is innermost in our hearts

we no longer create, we parrot what
capitalistic entertainment machines show us
and we no longer know what we feel
apart from the limited range they prescribe
but that is not everything
that doesn't address all that you feel

you only need to look around
dig a little deeper
to understand how deep the songs live
or used to live, in people's soul
to understand that that is how they managed to live
to survive this word of endless sorrow
or dukkha as buddha would say

we might think that we,
the 21st century 9 to 5 office goers generation
are the only ones bound to this routine
hassled and harried too boredom
to ennui, to death of spirit
but no, life as always been harsh
the life that humanity has always known
is one of constant toil
the farmer must operate by the seasons
and gets no rest,
and the shepherd gets no weekend,
because the cows need to be fed every day

but they did manage to survive
because they spoke about it
they commiserated with each other,
and we who have it not
think we are the first  generation
to go through this much dukkha

and to get back to (how I think)
what I do is central to the world
I do think, with a very straight face
that only intense writing and creating
of what really matters to you
sharing what really moves you
is the only thing that could really save humanity
from the impending apocalypse of ennui



 

I Would like to see

The world through your eyes

If only i wasn't So scared
Of losing myself there

Dreams

A host of dreams She dreamed that night
And tried to understand 

What They meant

At the end of the day
They were Just pointers
Showing her the way
And her own thoughts told her more

She dreamt of People dying
And She knew She wanted to say goodbye
To a lot of things, people

She dreamt of rhinos and elephants
Cornering her
The interpreters might tell her
She needs to remember something
Like elephants
Or achieve something huge
Like rhinos
But She knew it was about
Her Feeling cornered
By things She feared

She dreamt of her father
And jung might say it symbolises authority
And Others might say it is about money
Power success aggression
But She knew it was about him
About the constaNt worry nagging
At the back of her mind
At the strings of tenderness
Forever tugging at her heart
That She kept willfully ignoring

She dreamt of dirty waters
Which People may say
Are her own emotions
But She knew it was
Other people's emotions
Festering and dangeours
That She fears drowning in

She dreamt of them
learning to swim
The two of them
It could mean anything
That maybe She sees him
Leading her out of dangeours waters
Or maybe She thinks
That he is himself drowning in it
But She knew
She only wanted
To touch him

She dreamt of falling asleep
Passing out,
And She knew it was
Her being Overwhelmed
By the world's negativity
Her share of samasaras dukkha
Wanting to curl up and sleep
And drift away into nothingness
Anything to avoid
The vast yawning chasms of
Reality

Where She has vowed
To Never touch him

Who Would have guessed

Dreams about sleeping might be a sign of your physical, mental or emotional exhaustion, and the need for more sleep. These dreams might indicate not being aware of the things going on around you, or not willing to be aware of some situation.