true self

i always disliked the idea that
of the 'true self'
how people said
this is just 'what i look from outside'
but i am totally different person 'really'

what is that really?
to me it seemed like
just an excuse for bad behaviour
like, hey, maybe im rude
or maybe im insensitive
but hey, that's not the real me
its deep down here
weeping at what i did

hahaha

ok yeah, what the world sees
is not all of you
and there are thoughts and feelings
that you are not comfortable
sharing with everyone
but then, the way you respond to the world
isn't that also a part of you?
granted, a public part of you
and not the complete picture
but also a real, true part of you
you make a conscious choice
in what you choose to show to the world

-----

only when you are swimming
in a glut of meaningless things
simpering here, nodding there
adding oh yea? really?
to mindless comments about
weather and politics and way of life
and wishing you could be
anywhere but here

and then suddenly you get
a tingling feeling
of what you really want to do
really want to talk about
really want to listen and be
a hint, a connection
and you want to close your eyes

only then do you realise that hey
true self!
it really exists, and here it is!