Monday, April 27, 2015

Superheroes

Suddenly  and out of context 
I hate  superhero  movies
We don't  need anyone  to kill the bad guys
With superhuman  force

The real crises are different 
Loss of  lives, homes
Hunger, sickness
Being orphaned 
Chaos, violence 
And there  are no superhero  movies
That address  these 
(Even if they  do,
They end by killing  the bad guy 
Like  it's  remotely  enough)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Reverse deja vu?

I have this strange  feeling where i feel like i am having deja vu. But then i search for the incident  in memory  and there is none. Instead some time later, it may be days or it may be weeka and months, the same incident  happens again. Then i am reminded  of my previous  intuition, which was actually  a premonition  disguised  as deja vu. I wonder what it's caĺled?

"You are lost"

1.
I am not lost,
I am just too complicated
For you to understand

2.
If I am lost,
only then can you find me.

3.
If I was already found,
what would be the point
of you finding me?

4.
If you dislike lost so much
why don't you go find someone
Who is found, not lost

5.
Is it herself, or is it you,
Or some hobby, some passion,
What exactly  should she have found?

6.
I am the one who is lost
you who are not,
can surely can find your way
out of this mess

7.
Maybe I am lost
So that you can show me the way

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The unmaternal

A dyad  exists 
When two  people bond
But for it to die
Only one person needs leave

Or so said emile durkheim 
And how well he knew

That to have a child,
You and i both must agree
But to not have a child
It is enough 
That i refuse

Two souls

When together  they are themselves 
Like cats and dogs 
Chalk and cheese 

And when apart
Are each other
Dogs and cats
Cheese  and chalk

And forevermore  will try
To recreate  in every  intimacy
What they have

I look for a chalk and am shocked  when
He is always  a chalk

A la shahrukh khan

Who said when asked
What he has in common 
With his wife
She likes me and i like me

You and  i click  because 
We have this in common 
You like women and i like  women

Blurred boundaries-the secret life of a secretkeeper

Once you start keeping  secrets
It never ends
You hide one dramatic  thing
Then you hide  the mundane 

Friendships  where you share
Love laughter and secrets
Seem fake
Because  you will never  share your secrefts
And you wonder if
Everyone  else is faking  it too

And when you find they are not
You wonder  how they can
Enjoy life so carefree 

And when they accuse u
Of keeping secret the mundane 
You have nothing  to say
In your defense 
For it never  occurs to you
That you are not playing  by the  rules
Of solidarity 
When you keep  your secrets

And all that **** about
Exploring  relationships
Social networks
And your personality 
In adolescence 
Goes down the drain 

And it all comes  down to
The one person  who gave you 
A dramatic  secret  to keep
And saddled  you with a burden
You can never throw off

Friday, April 10, 2015

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Turning 30

To watch 
Proud, independent  friends 
Determined  to find  a mate 
Of their  own choice
Succumb to arranged marriage 
One by one

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

The cue

Nowadays  it is not  
Your name  being called
By a beloved voice 
That  will wake you up from sleep
It is the anonymous  beep beep
Or the merest suggestion of it
That wakes you up
And makes you flip the cover
(Is he thinking of me yet?)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

vagaries of desire

every night this man
moans in agony of desire
that he does not feel
for the woman next to him
who wishes for someone,
anyone,
to touch her

and that the man will not
seek another
for he has spent a lifetime
decrying those who
put a toe out of line
and values what the world thinks of him
more than what he thinks of himself
and he who has never used a finger
to lift so much as a twig
needs her services

and nor will the woman
who has resigned herself
to the fate
of middle-aged women,
grandmothers
who channel their desire for touch
into the innocent touch of little ones

there is nothing for the two of them to do
except for them
to continue to project the image of
a happy family
and question in moments of clarity
if it is not all a sham

except for him to shout at her
every day
apparently because
the peas and carrots
are touching on his plate
but actually
for not being what he wants
for not letting him seek what he wants
by the very fact of being alive

and for her,
not knowing that he is only
venting his frustrated desire on her
to implode
if she does not
wear herself out
with washing his underwear

escaping into forgiveness

I resolved to forgive you long ago
back when I realized
the futility of my resentment
realized that my anger was hurting me
more than it was hurting you

in fact, you did not even know
or care
that i was angry with you
(and never would)

but there is still this
rage at the back of my mind
that bubbles and simmers
and threatens to break out
every time I think of you

i like to believe
i have taken care of it
been busy, got a life,
learnt how to get over it
been generous,
forgotten you, if not forgiven

i like to pretend
it doesn't exist
and on happy days,
i almost succeed

almost,
until the bubbles burst
and the hot red lava
seeps out in my dreams
and suffocates me
until i wake up breathless

no, you will never know
how you are torturing me
yes, i do realize that my rage
is hurting only me

but if i forgive you
just because you don't realize
your own evil
i will be closing my eyes
being an ostrich

forgiveness
without your repentance
forgiveness
without your guilt eating you from inside
and destroying you like it did me
forgiveness
without even your knowledge

seems like just another word for
escapism

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Poetry in the blues

you do not  see the poetry
of  our improbability,
do you
if you did you would not 
want to pull us out of it
into happiness

but happiness will fade
inevitably
into complacence

while sorrows live within you
secretly,
forever,
like a child
that never takes birth

one doesn't need much else
to live on,
really,
other than the one big sorrow
of what could have been

Saturday, April 4, 2015

With you

With you i can forget everything 
Which is precisely  why i remember  everything 

When i can forget  everything
It also includes things
I am supposed  to hide
Things i am ashamed of  
Things i am supposed to be ashamed of
Things i am told to pretend don't exist

So when i come to you my love
I come  with all my memories  
With my entire  being  
I come whole, complete, and unabashed  

And i remember  everything  
Because  i can
Forget all the rules