This i protect

He chased his dreams

like a falcon chases its prey

blind to everything else

and when he opened his eyes

he was 

exactly where he wanted to be

and he was

entirely alone

he paid the price of dreams
for he knew not another way
and so he opened
my way to my dreams 

since my way is so much easier
i keep my eyes open
i take care not be distracted
by single mindedness

i can afford to make time
for what makes me smile

and i guard my intimacies
Like a little butter lamp

Fighting torrential monsoons

Sometimes

You can't affird to
Follow your heart

Sometimes
You Just have to
Listen to reason

Legacies

Yes, walk out to Sunshine

But first

Push through
The layers and layers
Of judgements
Bitterneas
Sense of destiny
That are not yours
That you did not create
That goes back
Years and years
As decades transform
Into generations

You cannot see it
But it is thicker than water
The dry, springy texture
Of rubber
That tou must go through
If you want
To enjoy the Sunshine

Toes out of line

Wondering what
rainwater tastes like

Putting out a glass
to collect it
and take a sip

Pushing the boundaries
of acceptable,
predetermined behaviour
in all the ways
some loud,
some subtle

Some too quiet
to even be noticed

And yet, there it is
A document
in swirly, squiggly letters
of an unheard of font

seasons of the heart: long winter

here seasons last years
and with no certainty
that a spring will follow a winter
or even that the spring will come

and every day you die a little more
as the fog closes down upon you

they say when you have been
left in the dark like that
you are not always left to die

and maybe you have been planted

maybe the spring
forgot its way here

or perhaps your seeds
have been buried
very, very deep

मनका ऋतुहरु

हुन त एउटा ऋतुको समय दुई महिना मात्रै हो
तर यहाँ एक ऋतु वर्षौं छाइरहन सक्छ

शिशिरपछि वसन्त आउन एक युग लाग्न सक्छ
अथवा
शिशिरपछि वसन्त आउँछ नै भन्ने पनि त छैन

र हरेक दिन शिशिरको तुषारो बढ्दै जाँदा
तिमी झन् झन् छोपिँदै झन् झन् ढाकिँदै

कुहिरोको बीचमा हराउँदै
पल पल मृत्युतर्फ पाइला सार्दै

चारैतिर त्यसरी अन्धकार छाउँदा
तिमीलाई लाग्छ होला तिम्रो अन्त्य भए जस्तै

तर भनिन्छ
एउटा बीउलाई जमीनमा रोपिदिँदा पनि
त्यसको वरीपरी त्यस्तै अन्धकार छाउँछ रे
त्यो अंकुराएर त्यसमा पालुवा लागेर
फूल फूल्नु अगाडि
त्यसले कालो बाक्लो गहिरो
आफूभन्दा शक्तिशाली देखिने माटो
छिचोल्नै पर्छ रे

तिम्रो लामो हिउँदपछि
वसन्त आउँछ नै भन्ने त छैन

तर यहाँ वसन्तले
आउने बाटो भुलेको पनि होइन

शायद तिम्रो प्राण नै
निकै तल भासिएछ

After Everything

To Still have faith
In love
Is an act of great courage
Or
Of great fooliahness

security, lack of

she saw people look for security
in each other
ask for promises, vows
snoop around, spy in and out

and she also saw
that it would not last
it never did,
the promises were always broken
the snooping led to bad news
the spying made you a monster
that you cannot look in the eye

and so she resolved
that she would not go that way
and never asked for any promises
nor got around to any snooping

it looked like she  might
not need security at all
but that was not true

and she sought security
within herself

whatever happens
you have to stay strong
and you have to handle
anything that comes your way
and you have to start over
said she to herself

but of course
a relationship cannot last
unless you put
all your eggs
in that basket

(or so she thought)

विश्राम

हिउँदमा आफ्नो चीसो घर छोडेर

न्यानो खोज्दै

हजारौं मीलको यात्रामा हिंडेको

सानो चराले

घाममा रापिएर निसासिएर

एउटा घरको तातेको बार्दलीमा

राखेको शीतल पानीको भाँडा

बीच आकाशबाट देखेर

केहि छिनको लागि तल झरेर

पानीमा डुबुल्की मार्दै

छिटाहरु छर्दै

थोपा थोपा साँचेर

पानी पिए जस्तै

जिन्दगीको यात्रामा

म केहि बेर सास फेर्छु

चराले हजारौं मील उड्नु

अझै बाँकी नै छ

र जिन्दगी मेरो पनि सिङ्गै बाँकी नै छ

दुई घुट्कोले उडान भिजाउनु छ

दुई पलले जिन्दगी

सुवासित बनाउनु छ

निरावरण

अरुको मनको अन्तर कुन्तर खोज्दै
विगतका पत्र पत्र केलाउँदै
अन्तरआत्मासम्म पुग्ने
उसको बानी

आज आफैंले ओढेको
आवरणका पत्र पत्र
एक एक गर्दै कसैले खोलिदिएर
उसलाई ऐना अगाडी
आफ्नो स्वरुप देखाउँदा
उ निःशब्द हुन्छे

nemesis

Once parted,
she took care never
to look at him

and yet she saw him
at every unexpected corner

she found him in the "gentleness"
of so called "civilized" men,
and wondered what sordid stories
hid behind their vapid smiles

she found him in the proud
confidence of arrogant men
and wondered where they got it from

she found him in the innocence of
simple, good, children
ad it broke her heart to wonder
how long it would last
in a world full of him

she found him in the faces of
frustrated women
and wondered if they would
ever get out of it

and no matter where she went
no matter how many skins she shed
she always found him within herself
ready to pounce and lay her low
the moment she let her guard down

mother's day

A lot of people would say
their mother is their role model
and may be she would be hurt
if i did not say that

but at the end of the day
i do not want the life she led
and i do not want to go through
as much hardships as she did

she is the one i love the most
the one my life revolves around
and yet, her life is not the one i want

she is a goddess
with superhuman strengths
and i m a mere mortal

nonage

did it hurt?
no it didn't
did you bleed?
not that I remember
did you resist?
I don't think so
did he beat you?
no, never
well then,
what is your problem?

did he tell you to keep it a secret?
oh yes, she might say
and they might put a tick mark next to it
and say yes, that is a grave crime
even if the other tickboxes
could not be checked

and she might
stare into space as she remembered
that the privilege of the secret
made her glow with pride
as if she was more special to him
than anything else in the world

Well then,
you don't even have a problem,

They might say,

If She spoke of This glow

**

And She Would not be able to tell them

Of how, even When She 

"Grew up" and "moved on"

She thought her role was

To simply lie down and Take it

To be as quiet as possible

To not raise even a finger

And later She Would not
look her lover in the eye

Because She Never knew that 

Intimacy could and should

Be acknowledged between them

And she could go her own way 

Pretending it Never happened
As she has learnt to do

**

She would also 

not be able to tell them

That once parted,

she took care never

to look at him

and yet she saw him

at every unexpected corner

she found him in the "gentleness"

of so called "civilized" men,

and wondered what sordid stories

hid behind their vapid smiles

she found him in the proud

confidence of arrogant men

and wondered where they got it from

she found him in the innocence of

simple, good, children

ad it broke her heart to wonder

how long it would last

in a world full of him

she found him in the faces of

frustrated women

and wondered if they would

ever get out of it

and no matter where she went

no matter how many skins she shed

she always found him within herself

ready to pounce and lay her low

the moment she let her guard down

No, they would probably not think
these were big enough problems

destiny

not that everything is written in stone
you can always take steps
to change anything and everything

but then,
you know so few ways to do so
you only see the lives around you
you only see what they do for a living
how they behave in crises
how they react to emotions

and lo and behold,
soon you learn it as if
it is a way of being
given to you divinely

and soon you life is
as destined as if it was
written on your forehead
on the day of chhaiti

The horse

It has not the pure innocence
Of the white

Nor the comforting warmth
Of the brown

It has the Almost arrogant
Sheen of the black
The pure black
But Hidden By dust and brambles
So it Looks a humble patchwork

Its locks are matted
Its quarters are muddy
It has been Wandering
In the jungles,
Doing things it Will not Talk of
Running around to Its fill
Gathering knowledge
Gaining speed
And to the jungle it Will retreat
If you pursue it

It is far, far away from me
And yet i know that
From afar,
We recognize Each other
We belong
Only to Each other
And No matter Where it is,
It is mine

Ice cube

I think of you as an ice cube in  a desert,
Said she

You mean a Cool relief to your system,
Said he

Yes, But One that is melting fast
And i Fear i may not be able to hold on to,
Said she