Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Monday, February 27, 2012

hindsight

when everything was right
and yet there was something
that I couldn't put a finger on
i should have known
that what was missing was magic

You should've read:
थाहा हुनुपर्थ्यो
Dud Hallucination
I should've known

sure, you don't wanna part either

but i am the one who has to come back to an empty house

Saturday, February 25, 2012

second best

loading a big bulky walker
into a tiny car
pushing pulling
(silently) cursing
then unloading
stinky bird poop
chilled, hardened knuckles
paper cuts from ice
heavy boxes
tension depression frustration

A nice day makes it so much easier

Since i cannot have you to make it better
i will take the second best (any day)

i know it's for the best

but it doesn't help.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

what I like about you

I would say you are pretty
but I am gonna say it last
because you are so much more

(is what i would like to hear)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

dissertation

a year of slog ends up as
one article in the newspaper
and one morning's tea table conversations

you are not welcome

then
you walked out of my life
now
i prefer to keep that way

speculation

what happens to the wishes
that could have been wished
on a shooting star
no one sees?

what happens to the feelings
that could have been love
felt for a lover
long gone ?

wistful

today you told me
you spent hours shopping
and fell in love with an antique table
lucky piece of wood, that

Sunday, February 19, 2012

the dangers of knowing too much

 तिम्रो हातको रेखामा मैले आफुलाई खोजें

विवाह रेखामा छु कि म?
विवाह नभए प्रेम मात्रै भए पनि ?
भाग्य रेखा मा छु कि
तिम्रो उन्नति मा साथ दिने?
यश मा? परिवार मा ?
सृजना मा ? व्यापार मा? 
कतै नभेटेर आफुलाई 
एकछिन त  निराश भएँ 

धेरै वर्ष धेरै मोड पछि 
तिम्रा उकाली ओराली लाई नियाल्दा
बल्ल थाहा पाएँ 
म त तिम्रो जीवन यात्राको  
खड्गो पो रहेछु

Saturday, February 18, 2012

what a coward i am

from many pictures of you
i pick out
the one with
your eyes lowered

don’t get me wrong
you would look beautiful
in any picture, 

any day

it’s just that
when i don’t see your eyes
i don’t have to deal with
the pain in them

Friday, February 17, 2012

hidden treasure

an unexpected fortune,
discovered under
an ordinary looking rock,
is probably best left to dreams
where it makes sense

magical, mesmerizing
spellbinding and bedazzling
though it may be
it doesn't quite fit
my little dressing table

Other hidden treasures:
Kay: Condolences To My Illusion of Revolution
Archal 1: छट्पटीको संसार

Thursday, February 16, 2012

हिँड जाऊँ

झुपडी  रेस्टुरेंट  को
चुहिने  छानोमुनि 
एफ  एम् मा  समाचार  सुन्दै
बलेंसीबाट पानी तप्केर
भुईँको सानो खाडल मा झरेको हेर्दै
तातो  चिया र  भेज  पकोडा

को  मजा  नै  अर्कै

soul, not heart

Who was the first girl you liked?
"It doesn't matter,
since I like you the most"
With whom did you spend 
the best Valentine's day?
"You, of course"


Lies, lies, all lies
Though you may not call them so


Weathered by years of experience, 
I see
you want to make it
nice for me
you want to avoid
hurt and acrimony


what started out as concern 
has
after many lovers
become your second nature


i know i am supposed to 
appreciate it
but  i do not want your
niceness and politeness
the mask of diplomacy
the veneer of courtesy
i do not want your heart
and its delicacy


i want your soul 
with all its intricacy
i want a friendship
with all its honesty


i want you
with all your complexity

Monday, February 13, 2012

a perfect evening



sitting by the fire 
watching the snow fall outside
listening to Adele sing 
sharing a single slice of 
chocolate cake
fresh, warm and decadent
just like you, i tell you
the steamy chocolate sauce overflowing 
bursting the boundaries 
so i can feel it dark, 
sweet and bitter
the taste lingering
until i fall asleep on the couch
holding your  hands
the fire sends some sparks our way
to wish us good night
they become the stars
in my heady chocolaty dreams
and in my dreams
you tell me 
how i remind you of chocolate

Friday, February 10, 2012

about turn

remember how
i used to be angry
when you didn’t take my calls
and answer my phones
and how you gave a smile
and made things better

i still get angry with you
now and then
for the same reasons
the only difference is that now
i have only me
to make things better for me
 

i have only me
to reconcile with

Thursday, February 9, 2012

a stranger's gaze

what does it mean?
does it mean, for instance, 
that you are attracted to me?
as i (sometimes) wish you were
(if you look nice enough)
and are going to send me 
flowers and chocolates to work?
(as the movies say)

or does it mean
for another instance
that you are just
unabashedly looking
because you can

and you believe
or pretend to believe
that i am just feigning discomfort
because i (always) want to be looked at
when actually i am withering
looking myself over
checking if my hair is funny 
or a button undone
finally sighing
and end up walking
with a stiff stride
my face turned away from you
to carefully avoid the gaze

at the end of the day, stranger
i don't want to be gazed at
or "admired" in your language
if admiration comes
at the price of holding my head
so low
that i do not see the way ahead

i just want to walk down the road
and get to my destination



fellow poets on stranger's gaze:
yugzeetah: stranger, my stranger
kay:  नहेर त्यसरी

after all

long hours
harrying people
dust dirt damp

i would be so sad
if i didn't have you
to talk to for hours
to hug and cry with
to hold hands
to cook and eat with
i would be completely distraught
if i didn't have you
to come home to

i reach home and remember
that i don't

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

naivete

together we  built 
a wall of trust 
laying down the rules
brick by brick
and making a circle
for just the two of us
where all we could see
was the sky high wall
around us

little did i know
that while i was sleeping
you built a back door

Friday, February 3, 2012

remember when


wishing for a wish upon the eyelash
we both wished
"let it be night forever"
and we had not even
shared a night together

Thursday, February 2, 2012

i wonder

why
a picture of a sunset
awakens
dim memories of  you
when you always 
slept through it