Friday, December 29, 2017

O henry

At first you think
It's a witty twist

And on second reading
The tenderness
Of the witty end
Shocks you

And then you read the simple,
Light hearted, gently mocking lines
Again and again and again
Until the tenderness overwhelms you
Seeps in and lives in you
And you end up gently sobbing
Every time you read it again
(For you end up reading it
Every time you come across it)

Safe

Like the birds
Come back to their trees at dusk

My stories flew home to you

They had found the only place
Where they were safe

Friday, December 22, 2017

Face palm

Mr Weston had an umbrella too, and offered me the benefit of its shelter, for it was raining heavily.
'No, thank you, I don't mind the rain,' I said. I always lacked common sense when taken by surprise.

- Agnes Grey

Sunday, December 17, 2017

I used to think

Love was the answer

But as time passed i see
People married to their loves
Struggle every day
Emotionally and spiritually
In their mid thirties

Friday, December 15, 2017

Impressions

Realizing that the world around her
Does not share the sense of wonder
For the same things as she djd

Tracing her sense of wonder
Back to some long childhood conversations
That had left strong and deep impressions
That remain with her even after
She had been hating him for many years

She thought she had cast him off but
How do you cast off an entire world of wonder
Who would she be without them?
What leads her out of my tunnel,
What gives her purpose, without them?

Violated

He had taken what he could from her
But he didn't get what he wanted

A little good morning kiss on the cheek
A note telling him to take care
Long, langurous cuddles on lazy days
A rainy day spent with a mug of coffee
Confidences, whispered into ears
A lingering hug of goodbye

Giving these little signs of affection
Was how she collected
The pieces of her shattered soul
Asserted some modicum of control
Was proud of having reserved
At least some things she could give
Of her own free will

Little things we seek

How to cover up each other's stories
When in public
How to finish each other's sentences
How to say for her what she wouldn't know
How to say herself
How to listen patiently, as a team, to a bore
When you would rather talk to each other
Because you know that you will
Talk to each other to your heart's content anyway,
After all this is over
How to order for each other
How to avoid minefields
What to cook when she is low
When to give space and when to crowd in

Its the little things you seek
In a lover, and dont find

Don't we all seek
The safety of our primary intimacies...

I thought

I was doing a good job
Of erasing your memories
No trace of you
On my timeline
In my busy schedule

Until you popped up
In my dreams
And made a home there

I never asked

I just assumed
You didn't need me any more

That was how it seemed
When i stopped being
Your first port of call

And now that we have drifted
So far apart
I have perhaps lost the way back
And can only watch from afar
As you seem to flounder

Monday, December 11, 2017

Maybe

Maybe the key is
To not expect anything
Out of life
To control your mind
And our desires
And that shit

And just get on with your duties
Then there would no pain,
No disappointment

But then
What would be the point

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Abstinence

Telling myself
The little glimpses into your life
Didn't really mean anything
Didn't really lift my soul

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Any more

Not that i miss you, exactly

Only that your absence
Makes the avalanche of
Unfortunate events

That much harder to handle

Stages

Yours is the kind of loneliness
That you don't even know exists
That you don't understand yourself
That you don't Acknowledge

But i understand it
When i see it in you
Because it was mine before

The kind of loneliness
That you don't know is there
Until it is cured
That you wait all your life
To be filled
But you don't know
What you are waiting for

Yours is the kind of loneliness
That leads you by a thread
To someone
And you don't even know
What you were following
How you ended up there

Yours is the kond of loneliness
Very different from
This knowing void of mine
That knows exactly what is missing

And that is exactly why
They wont fit together

Your heart is full of longing
And mine, of loss

Yours is the kind of loneliness
That needs something
As young and innocent
And hopeful as itself
To be fulfilled

All i ask for

It is so easy
To drift into anger
To lash out,
Kmowing that i can.
And to walk away
After hurting you

All i ask for
At the end of the day
Is a little more strength
To make the effort
To be kind
To the people who will
Always matter

I just want five minutes
Of kindness that i can give you
That will last you all day

Sunday, December 3, 2017

X privilege

Nothing as humiliating
As being reminded of your privilege
By someone who struggles
For the things you take for granted

(For him, it's not just a job)

#moments when i want to
Dig a hole in the ground
And crawl inside