tyranny of fate

When she was young she hated red
Because every woman around her
wore it constantly
and constantly told her to
get out of those drab colors
and wear something bright and pleasing

but somehow,
she found red a bit too showy
maybe even vulgar
a bit rustic, uninspired
and definitely stereotyped

she wanted to escape its tyranny

light, foamy sea green is so serene,
and deep, rich blue so evocative,
she always thought
she was attracted to indigo lipstick

And once bought some fluorescent eyeliners
look how fun and original that looks...
she wanted to be fun,
she wanted to be original
she wanted to defy the stereotypes and say
look, that works too,
you don't really need the old things
brown and beige are just as warm
white is just as classy
who needs red,
when you can have everything that red gives
and not be a siren

And she was a fierce advocate of

Black and white
It's more complete than

All the colors of the spectrum,

She used to say

but no matter how beautiful she looked
in all these myriad colors
nothing made her
take a second look at herself
or stop in her tracks
as when she wore red

she denied the superiority of red for years
until one day she just realized
that her wardrobe was full of
her favorite unnamed color

and after all she wanted to look good
be attractive to the person she liked
for isn't that human nature?
(another stereotype that she though
she would reject, but that's another story...)

she wasn't one to do things half-heartedly
so she would have to say she loved red

for she knew by now, in her heart of hearts

that to attain red was to attain power

to attain the most attractive form of her womanhood

to acknowledge her sexuality in full

but admitting that would be like selling her soul....
selling out to the adult world
giving up on her austere world
of greens and blues and indigos
losing her entire image of herself
as a renouncer of the material

like an enchanted village that
always takes you to the same gate
no matter how far you drive away

you always arrive at the same things in life
snow white's three drops of red
are every woman's:
the one of birth, first blood, and childbirth
all the tales say so
all the songs say so
and they say so because it is true
because all these senses
the colors, the smells, the sounds
they affect you in ways
that you can't even begin to understand....

maybe that soul-selling
is a part of growing up....
you leave the austere, severe
colors of your girlhood behind
and embrace your sexuality
for denying your sexuality
would also be killing your soul
which her puritan young soul
had not comprehended

but why aren't there other options?
and it's not just about the color red
it's also about feeling cloistered
with the repetition
and  inevitability of life
of finding that all kinds of lives
have already been mapped out
generations ago
all of it predictable, all of it inevitableand that no matter how much you experiment in youth
you come to value the same things
that your ancestors have valued for generations
run away from the same things
the circle of life never ends, and never varies

why should life follow
the old, accepted patterns
what happens to the ideas,
the possibilities you see in your youth?
why break stereotypes anyways,
if the stereotype was the best thing ever?
what's the point, of going off the beaten track
if the track is horrible and gets you nowhere?
what's the point of saying 'this, too, works'
when it doesn't work as well as
what you already have?

Maybe your entire life

Your every response to every life event

Every transgression and every reaction

Is already mapped out in the womb

Maybe there is no escaping the destiny

No such thing as free will

she, who had wanted to be original
and new and fun
and reject the stereotypes
and not be vulgar and not be a siren
and still do things her way in life 

she might as well
take a loaded gun to her forehead
and pull the trigger

for like an enchanted village that
always takes you to the same gate
no matter how far you drive away,

for her there is no place to go