Perceptions

I am not angry with you

It just so happened that

You killed my spirit 

And i need some time off

But i suppose

It's all the same to you

But you are my muse

I scatter you

So indiscriminately

In my poems

And i am afraid that

When someone picks up 

the pieces

And joins them

They will not find the whole

That is my muse

But just the parts

That are the Furies

Following me around

My goddess

The queen you are

Who walks on water

Lives on air

As if this world

Was not my mundane one

But one of

Your own personal

Imagination

Dreams on fire

As they say,

Once a bird has tasted flight

It will never be content

With the ground

And so i cannot but 

Love you

For reminding me that

It is possible to fly

Like you

I hate you

For reminding me

That the things i imagine

Bind me

Don't really bind me.

I do.

That awkward point in adolescence when

You do a quiz called 

how popular are you

End up in the bottom decile

And redo the quiz

Until you are in the middle

And you don't want to acknowledge 

That not even the leaked question paper

Can get you top ranks

Ever skeptical me

Nothing can convince me

Of the permanence of your love

If you tatto my name

Over your heart

I will wonder everyday

If today is the day

You will want it erased

No way out

The worst part is when

I am convinced

That the socially acceptable me

Is the only me that is possible

What's behind the facade?

Some people always give

The socially acceptable answer

To any question

Making me wonder

If that is really what they feel

At

The processes of their arriving at

A diffficult position to defend

Emotionally and factually

But enormously praised

Socialy

Existential question

To you i am

Just a close friend

One of many.

Still special,

But nowhere near 

Indispensible

For me you are 

An existential question

Where do i belong?

With me or with you?

Pursuit

It's easy to make logic

And say

Something that makes sense

To explain your actions

But in your heart you know

That truth lies much deeper

Beyond the bounds of logic

Scratch scratch scratch

Endlessly on a piece of paper

Pretend you want to

Express yourself

Make yourself understood

To the world

When the only objective is

To get at yourself

To try and understand

Your own actions

Motivations

To absolve yourself of sins

By acknolwedging them

In a roundabout way

To try and attain

Peace

Optimism is an effort

I wake up sweating

Smiling

Delirious

From a dream

Where i traveresed

The length and breadth of

The land where i want to live

Eating its foods

So good was the dream

That my tummy was full from it

Early in the morning

The sights, the smell, the taste

Of the the food and land

Were all upon me

For a moment

The choice was mine

To be happy at such a fulfilling dream

Or to be sad

That it wasn't true

Often i choose to doom myself

With the second choice

(The real me under the cheery facade

Is a pessimist)

But sometimes, some times

It's good to float for hours

Is it vain

To not regret anything?

I find my past actions inevitable

Even if i was given a second chance

My feelings would inexorably lead me

To the very steps that doomed me 

The first time around

I would want the circumstances

Of my unhappiness changed

But then, one can only regret

One's own actions,

Not circumstances

Unwanted luxury

To be a harridan

Is a luxury, i suppose

No one else

Would allow me

To go this far

But again,

I am an austere person

Give me just the simple pleasure

Of conversation

The energy for yelling my lungs out

I would like to reserve for emergencies

#happy day

#jacarandasblooming

#nojacketnojacket

#itstoohotforteaifthatsevenpossible

#trulyawesomeday

(#googlesearchgulmohursatnight)

#butitsatrulyhappyday

Deep, unspoken love

Completely wasted on someone

Who lives by light gestures