Once i dreamt of a man with mustaches
The story of my hatred for
Who was wearing a short red ghaghra
And a sexy blouse that struggled to contain
His full breasts
After i woke up, disturbed,
I could not decide for the longest time
If it was indeed a man
Or a woman who had sprouted
Luxuriant, shoe-brush mustaches.
The girl of fifteen that i was then
Knew that this was a dream
No dream interpreter could explain
For the answer to this
I would have to dip deep into my own soul
But only now
Long after gaining the confidence
To tackle the dream with ease in daylight
Can i own up
To what it means to me
Hounded by insecurities
Inadequacies
Of not being beautiful enough,
And as a result, not desirable enough
By a man,
According to the standards set by
Smooth, hairless models and heroines,
The girl that i was
Only found expression of her fears
In dreams.
Fears
That the extra padding that
Puberty was putting on her body
Would leave her hirsute
And unable to face any man without shame
Fears compounded by the natural hairiniess
Of her race
And the unnatural capacity
Of her brilliant peers
To get rid of this problem
That in her social ineptitude
Seemed impossibly beyond her
Dreams often tell you
What you do not dare acknowledge
Fears compounded by the natural hairiniess
Of her race
And the unnatural capacity
Of her brilliant peers
To get rid of this problem
That in her social ineptitude
Seemed impossibly beyond her
Dreams often tell you
What you do not dare acknowledge
In daylight
And this one told me
How deeply
Images foisted by the ubiquitous mass media
Can root themselves
In a subconscious.
Images idealized so thoroughly
That they are beyond recognition
That they are beyond recognition
Even by the subject herself
How do i know they are deep?
After years of
Threading
Veeting and anne frenching
Wax stripping and epilating
Many variations of the image
Of a full breasted (wo)man
With a shoe-brush mustache
Still continues to haunt me
Leaving me breathless and perspiring
In the morning,
And ultimately,
Inadequate
(Perhaps they continue to haunt me because
I am unable to stop the
Waxing anne frenching epilating
Despite knowing
that it has been foisted upon me)
(Who sets the standards of my beauty?
How can they take away my free wil
And squeeze my subconscious?
How can they enter my sacred space
My dreams that i share with none
And that i believe feed on my very soul?
How can they tamper with my soul, just like that?
Why can i not compete with faceless entities
That tell me how i must look?
Why can i not tell them that thy are wrong
And i, with the natural hirsutism of my race,
Am right, am perfect.
rivers of money that
multinational cosmetic companies
Spend on advertising
Should maybe be put aside
For some other day)
For the first time, yes, first time, I could understand any poem though some words were new to me. And, surprisingly, at the first read.
ReplyDeleteSome women suffer from mild hirsuitism and some are eclipsed with werewolf syndrome.
I think you don't need to worry since it appears to be mild hirsuitism. Probably your body produces more androgenic hormones. But that's not a big deal.
Accepting it is the best way instead of getting panicked and suffering from nightmares.
if it was so easy, i would not be writing this poem.
Deletebtw, it is not just about me. through this poem, i hope to shed light on the beauty/image issues that many women suffer from. on second, thoughts, all women
Good.
DeleteBy the way, I always wonder who defines or sets up beauty standards?
Are hairy women ostracized? Don't they get boyfriends or partners? Do they have to remain behind the veil?
Or is it the individuals who develop complex when they compare themselves with other women?
they are not ostracized outright. but it is hard to get partners, surely.
Deletebeauty standards used to be set by the elites. whatever they certified, was called beautiful by everyone else. today, they are set by cosmetic and fashion companies
Very intense.
ReplyDeletethanks dear
Deletethe things we are foisted upon.. which will continue to foist upon on the other generation.. imposed by digitally modified models.. whose earnings depend on their appearance.. which will fade upon by once they start to age and the careers are easily taken over... but the insecurities they leave upon us (common people).. which will be carried upon other generation too...
ReplyDeleteperhaps it would have been different.. as we all are born different.. hirsuitism is different in every person.. and its all natural.. its all for protecting our own skin..
perhaps the fact "everyone is beautiful" but it depends on the way you view it should be conveyed on.. the looks are temporary thing.. attractions are temporary... relations are permanent.. perhaps those are the thought we need to pass on.. for the next generations.. so that the insecurities are not seen on them...
we have experienced them.. which brings along with the personalities that got developed because of it.. but should not have been..
But can we really do that for the future generation.....???
it is doubtful. i m not hopeful at all
Delete