i let him

not looking at his face
not acknowledging
what happened between us
in the daytime

in my defense, i did not know
it was supposed to  mean so much,
that it would come to haunt me
all my life

in his defense,
neither did he

a kind of realization i had arrived at
after years of blaming him, blaming myself
that no one is to blame

a case of the process of
healing and reconciliation
gone wrong

a twisted kind of
stockholm syndrome
it would be, indeed
if i let myself get carried away
by his defense