This material world

This life of
Anger envy
Resentment jealousy
Bottling up of fantasy

That grows ever stronger
As you grow into middle age

And poison bubbles
Just beneath the surface
And venom is the undercurrent
Beneath every relationship
That you hold dearest

It's not a life i want for myself

**
I don't know what is worse,
To grow up with this trauma every day
(For everyone must learn to bear with
Their share of trauma)
Or to be shielded from it
And to be faced with the nakedness
All of a sudden
(Because best intentions only last so long
And you cannot be shielded forever)

**
They say
The only way to deal with emotions
Is through
That none of the five stages work
That you have to feel them...
To be over them
But if i let myself feel
The horrors of other people's
Middle aged resentments,
Their confinments,
I will surely drown

**
And i think i don't want
To be a part of it
But if i give up
All wants, all desires
What do i have
To live for?

**
Perhaps i will invest in some thick skin
Perhaps i don't have an option
Perhaps i have already made my choice

**
And i think love is the answer
That if i have one thing
That makes me smile
At the end of the day
I will be happy
I will be strong enough
To give up all other desires
I will not envy anyone
I will not be angry at anyone
Who hurls barbs at me
I will give, to those who envy me
I would do all this
And still live, not just exist
If only i had love, was loved

But then imagine the weight
Of expectations
That one love has to bear

**
Beautiful art makes sense
Fuck realism
Who wants to see in art
The horrors they have
Just escaped from?
Fantasies make sense