consciosness, losing of

she came home and found herself
unable to stop from
pinching and kicking and tearing
at her own flesh

she might keep her hands still
but her toes pinched her calves
dug in deep ridges

and she might keep those still too
but then her whole body trembled
shook and chattered

she might shackle  it down
keep everything still as a stone
but then her heart beat wildly
her blood thundered and
her skin erupted in boils

***

it might stop
if she spoke out loud
what was troubling her

her own deepest
fears and desires

but her mind
kept running away
from the thorns of that hurt
kept looking away
from the ravine
where she had buried them

***

there was no nowhere to go


***

there was only death
or oblivion

***

and so she chose the latter
that came in a bottle

***

much later she was to see
everywhere she went
people like herself

people who, unable to look
the world in the eye
chose masks

some masks were god like
and when they spoke,
they spoke out the things
they would not have dared to
with their eyes open

***

only a few knew
that the mask
was not the solution
taking it off
and looking the world
in the eye would have
eased their burden

***

only, the world is
usually
not so forgiving

***

when she can look
the world in the eye
that is when she
will have no need
for intoxication