faith connundrums

If there is an all powerful god,
why is there so much suffering in the world,
I often asked

She said it is to test us
So that we grow stronger through adversity

And what of those who have no way out
Maybe those who suffer life long
held under torture, jailed for no reason
beat up every day, no where to go
what of those?

Of you must fit in a certain category
to be tried and tested, was her answer
I stopped arguing the futile arguement
with one who was blind

but then i thought to myself as I often did
why is there suffering, if there is a god

some might say god is punishing us
but if god is so nasty,
why should i have faith in such a one

some might say it is all about karma
that what you did in your previous life
is coming around to you

i scoffed at this one all through childhood
but now i see that in some ways it is not far from the truth
all matter is recycled into other lives
for no matter is destroyed, and all our bodies
are made of millions of lives before us
this body has been through the entire rigmarole
from plants to microbes to birds to horses
and ti is indeed a blessing, a one in million
to have this sentient life
and this, science cannot disprove

and then one person asked me
(non hindu, and i will not disclose what he was)
what if you are not a hindu?
what if you don't believe in this stuff?
what about karma then.
i wanted to laugh out loud
this is not about what you believe
 this is a scientific fact
a self-evident one, at that
that all matter is recycled into other lives

but i did not laugh at him
for that rebirth theory leaves unanswered
the question of how your past sins and good deeds
attach to you
through the soul, the theorists would say
but then i m this scientific person who thinks
the mind, heart and soul are all different parts of the brain
so no, there could be no such separate entity as a soul
that accumulates your karma
or retains the memory of what you did as a microbe
you were a million microbes, for god's sake
and a part of a million birds, probably

so no, I do still not believe that our suffering
is caused by our previous sins
the Buddhists would say it comes from attachment
and I would say all these theories are ignoring the
social structures that foist suffering on us
which are responsible for most of it
for concentrating power, establishing hegemonies
and renouncing attachment would only entrench the structures
and at least for most of us who are not naturally renunciate,we would not want to renounce attachment and live like robots anyways
and it would be better to seek the end of suffering not within but without
try to change what causes the suffering, address social structures

but that sociological discussion we will keep for later
and for now, return to the theological one
and think of what holds faith together
despite all the logic against it
(insights from recent trips, to be continued
at time of more mental spiritual energy)