the long distance lover

So many years of separation
interspersed with small glimpses
small promises of deep love

he would call for example,
from his favourite place
just to say her name

when they met for the first time,
he gave her earrings
from that same favourite place
bought right after he called
to whisper and then shout
her name into the phone

now that they were together,
she felt,
all the distances were gone
they did not need to choose
little moments to shout and whisper
they could talk to each other anytime,
normally

this place is so special to me,
he said
i remember the time when
we talked to each other from here
now I's going to come here every year
in that memory

oh no, she said
we need to go to new places every year

oh no,
he would say
i would not like that
to me, visiting special places
is so much more important

sigh, she said
why don't we talk about it
in more detail in the weekend?
it's your day off and mine too

but but, he said
i'm going to the church that day
walking three hours and back
to pray that we are always together

i would rather you talk to me,
she said
this time to herself
because she did not want to
interfere with something
so sacred to him

but she wrote to him all day
everything that came to her mind
it was sitting there in the chat window
that if it all was put together
could be an entire novel

and she waited
for when he would come back
and read and they could talk about it all

but in the evening he said
hey dear im so tired
and i cried all day too,
on the way and back
so i'm just gonna sleep now

and she wondered
what happened to her novels sitting there

the next morning she did ask
if he had time to read
everything she poured out
and if they could talk now

oh no darling, he said
im late for work
but you do know that i start the day
by looking at your photo?

i would rather you say hi to me
the real me
instead of an old photo of me
this time she said it out loud
but he was long gone

and so on for months
every time she tried to talk
he would tell her how important she was
to his mind, to his memory
but had no time to listen
to what kind of day she had

they had lived apart for so long
that he had fallen more and more in love
with the image of her
and the real her had become
less and less important to him

it was not important to him
what she thought and felt today
it was enough for him
to think and remember what she was
when he fell for her

and she tried so often to tell him
that maybe she was not that person anymore
and that perhaps it's better for him to know
what she thinks and likes now
but it really had no meaning for him

he could go by for days, weeks
without talking

all the while as thoughts
built up in her
like steam in a pressure cooker
which she waited to release with him

but he could still come back and say
only a photo of you in my phone
kept me going
and now i have to leave
lalalala  bye

one fine day she said
hey I cannot do this anymore
either you talk to me
or we finish

oh no my darling, he said
you know how important you are to me?
I even thanked you in my
acknowledgements for my masters thesis!