Wednesday, April 19, 2017

reflecting on fountainhead

On the days I get
too wrapped up in work to think
I think of fountainhead
that messed up my mind
in so many ways

I think of the girl who gets jilted
(for a glamorous heroine
who does not work, by the way
her only role seems to be
to be the hero's muse)
and so she decides to
busy herself in work
and so she loses
her humanity and femininity
am i becoming like her?
this woman sarcastically portrayed
as a woman without a soul
but with a sour grapes syndrome
should i not be so busy in work?
is my work a result of my resentment
with the world in general
and love in particular?
am i losing myself in platitudes
and losing sight of what makes me happy?

a long time it took me to
understand
through my own life experiences
that countered that drab lady's
that it's fine to fill
any or many or all hours with work
as long as it makes me happy
and i feel like i am on
the life path that i want to be
and there is no reason for me to
heed the voice of this woman

who obviously missed
the entire generation of women
who started working

longer it took to get past the
worthless and lazy heroine
who "fought hard because
it was so important to her"
does that mean that
if i don't fight, it means nothing to me?
and that whatever happens to my body
happens because i don't care?
and that if it is important to me,
i should fight against it because,
well, because
it is a woman's deepest unspoken fantasy,
maybe,
apparently,
to be conquered by force?

long it took me to conclude that
again through my own experiences
that she is she and i am me
and i have my own contours to conquer
and that if i do not fight and let it happen
it is because it is important to me in one way
and if i fight it it is
important in another way
(in the way that i don't want it,
not that it is my deepest unspoken desire
as was the heroine's)

and now i wonder
why i was so taken with
these two women in the first place
now that it is so easy to
look past the glamour

why did i let her poison my mind at all?

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